43 Things My Ex-Lovers Have Said To Me

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  1. Sometimes I’ll be jacking off in the shower and think, “Are you going to have enough sperm to have kids someday?”
  2. I know someday I will pay for the things I have done.
  3. I could’ve cheated as much as I wanted and it wouldn’t have mattered.
  4. You shouldn’t read those books anymore; they make you imitate the characters.
  5. I love you.
  6. Fuck you.
  7. There could be the happiest man on the planet, and he still isn’t as happy as me.
  8. You need me; you can’t accomplish anything without me.
  9. All I want is you.
  10. Of course this isn’t serious! I’ve never wanted serious, why would you think that?
  11. I know that you’re going to accomplish everything you have set out to do.
  12. You can say that I’m an asshole but I know that I’m not; I know I’m a nice person.
  13. I didn’t deserve that.
  14. Sometimes I just really miss having someone to sleep with, I have a big-ass bed.
  15. I just want to cuddle.
  16. I want to kiss you just because I want to.
  17. No I don’t know why, I just want to.
  18. I know what I said but I think I want a relationship.
  19. You’re the only person I know who can wreck a car without denting it.
  20. No I don’t think I love you.
  21. It doesn’t matter if I was 17 or 22, I wouldn’t have never treated you the way he did.
  22. I don’t want his seconds.
  23. I ran naked in the woods once.
  24. I was wrong about before, I do love you.
  25. You’re too nice to everyone, even to me! Someday you’ll learn.
  26. I don’t hate you, I love you.
  27. You just don’t know enough about the world.
  28. All I care about is making money.
  29. One day I will be married with kids and I feel you’ll regret this.
  30. I’m gay; I just want you to know who I really am.
  31. You’re so beautiful.
  32. Oh I thought I was staying over.
  33. Nobody will ever love you like I do.
  34. I didn’t want to be harsh and say I wanted to break up.
  35. You know what Elise, Fuck you.
  36. You’re so special.
  37. I got you this because you have shitty taste in music.
  38. I already told you I don’t have expectations.
  39. You should really do something about your feet and the smell.
  40. You can’t just expect me to be a robot and not feel anything.
  41. I didn’t cheat but I could have.
  42. I was thinking that I would like to have a hall pass, so I can fuck other people.
  43. Yes I still have your bathrobe.