Healing comes in many forms, but I think the most important thing is what no one tells you: It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel like your world is falling apart and you have no control. It’s okay to not know what your next move or plan should be. Its normal to hurt for a long time. There is not timeline on healing.
That’s normal. And it’s okay.
When your world comes crashing down in matter of seconds, you’re not supposed to know what to do next. You’re going to feel lost. You won’t remember how to do the simplest things. You will feel like you have forgotten how to breathe, how to speak.
The only thing you need to remember is get yourself out of there. Get yourself home, to your room, alone. But you don’t have to be strong.
It’s a load of bullshit when people tell you need to be strong.
You’re allowed to stay up all night and cry. You’re allowed to cry yourself to sleep. Cry aloud, not silently. Sink to your bathroom floor at 1 p.m. because you can’t bring yourself to leave the house, in fear of you might see the guy you are still in love with. Or fall to your kitchen floor in a puddle of tears at 1 a.m. because you can’t stop thinking about him. Wear the t-shirt of his you never gave back to bed at night, as a pseudo feeling of his arms being around you at night like they used to be.
You’re allowed to scream and yell. You’re allowed to get mad. You don’t have to act small and timid.
Do whatever you want to make you feel better. Roam aimlessly around your house at 3 a.m. because you don’t want to be in your room anymore. Re-read old text messages and look through old pictures, wishing they weren’t just memories anymore. Be devastated that the love of your life says he doesn’t love you anymore. Destroy picture frames with happy memories of him.
Get rid of the bra he gave you for Christmas. Throw the necklace he gave you for your birthday into the lake. Re-read the old love letter he gave on Valentine’s Day you until you could recite it by memory. Do whatever makes you feel like you still have some sort of control of your life.
You’re allowed to do all this.
Feel everything. Feel the pain. Feel any little emotion. It’s going to hurt like hell. But do it anyways. You don’t have to be strong. You’re allowed to hurt. But it will help. I don’t really know why, but it does.
Healing takes time. You’re allowed to think you’re feeling better in a few days, weeks, months, then all the sudden want to cry again. That’s okay. You’re allowed to not think of him for months then one day you’re on a street corner you used to walk down together holding hands and have run back to your car to break down knowing that memory will never be recreated with him.
You’re allowed to take the long way to campus or work just so you don’t have to drive by his place, even if it doubles your commute. Getting over someone who you thought would never break your heart takes time. It feels like your drowning on dry land, with no one to throw you a life saver.
Healing your heart break means learning how to hang out with friends again, but this time as single. It means learning how to answer the question when your family asks where ‘whatever his name’ is and why he isn’t with you. It means being able to hold your head high as you walk back into the bar/fraternity house/classroom that used to hold happy and cherished memories of the two of you.
Healing your heart has no timeline. There are no wrong turns. There is no chart to follow. There is no amount of pizza, ice cream, or wine to make yourself feel whole again. Some days you will feel great, like you’re on top of the world. Then months could pass and you smell his cologne, randomly when he is hundreds of miles away and have to run to the bathroom at work to pull yourself together.
But one thing is for sure, you will get over him. One day you will be happy again. You will smile and laugh for many years to come. Someone else will make you happier than you ever thought was possible. You will get over these mountains and valleys. You will stop thinking about him every second of every day.
You will heal. But first, allow yourself to.