You meet someone. There’s something about their eyes or about the way they laugh, but you just can’t get them off your mind. You’re filled with this fluttering feeling you’ve only heard of in songs and seen in movies. You want to spend every free minute you have with them because you’ve never felt so understood, you’ve never felt so wanted, you’ve never felt so at home before.
One day they kiss you and your world explodes with possibilities. Maybe you’ll be the couple that travels together. You’ll take a trip to the Italian countryside and spend nights sipping on delicately aged wine, exploring ancient streets. Maybe you’ll be the couple that stays in all the time. Ready for weekend long movie marathons cozied up under thick blankets. Maybe you’ll be the couple that argues playfully, making jokes at the others expense but always with love. Who knows? All you know for sure is that you will be together. You have found your first love and you are never letting them go.
Until something shifts. You never saw it coming but it’s not the same anymore. Maybe it’s you or maybe it’s them but you can feel it. The air has been sucked out of the room. Everything is spinning and you can’t catch your balance. You know that you will never recover from this kind of pain. No ones lips could ever taste as sweet. No ones hands will ever feel as good on your skin. You are certain that you will never heal from this amount of hurt.
But you’re wrong. Eventually you wake up without feeling like you’re stuck in a fog. The last thought on your mind before you fall asleep has nothing to do with the misery you were in for weeks or months, or heaven forbid, years. You’re okay. Honestly. Finally you’re at peace.
And one day… perhaps on an otherwise ordinary day, you meet someone. That fluttering feeling, unbelievably it’s back. You’re skeptical. Of course you are. You’re nervous beyond belief, but you’re noticing the way your smile is so genuine around them. Your breath quickens when they inch closer. The connection between you two is effortless and comforting. You’re not even trying to like them, in fact you’re probably trying not to like them as much as you do but it’s pointless to fight.
They kiss you and for the second time in your life, your world explodes with possibilities. You can’t believe it’s happening but maybe you got it right this time. Visions of Italian sunsets and playful banter flood your dreams. You can’t help but dive in. You spend weeks getting to know each other, months getting comfortable with their minds and bodies, maybe even years growing closer in every way imaginable. You’re falling again. You’re so amazed you could feel this happy after all you went through.
Until something shifts. And this time, it’s different. This time you know you can survive the pain. You’ve felt heartbreak before and you’ve made it through. You know you will get through the pain of losing them and you will heal. That’s not what is causing this gut wrenching black hole of a feeling. No, this feeling is hopelessness. This feeling is the sinking weight of believing that you will never be able to hold on to anything as good and as pure as real love. Worse than feeling your heart break is believing that no matter what you do, no matter who you meet, no matter how many times you try, it just won’t work.
So you pick up those freshly broken pieces of your heart, take a deep breath, and realize that you, darling, haven’t failed at anything.
Instead, understand how incredibly lucky you are. Twice now you have been blessed with a feeling some never truly know. To adore and be adored by someone. To accept another human being so completely and risk exposing yourself to them in hopes of the same acceptance. What a brave, wonderful thing. Recognize that you were able to share a piece of your life with not just one but two souls that taught you not only how to love but that you are worthy of love. Because you are. Take that breath and feel yourself swell with sweet appreciation for the happiness that you were lucky enough to share in. Twice.
And when you let that breath out, remember the most important lesson you’ve learned.
Love is out there and whether it lasts for a moment or for a lifetime, isn’t it glorious?
Maybe you’ll find it when you’re sightseeing the Italian countryside with your best friends. Maybe you’ll find it when you decided to head out for a movie and come across someone you wouldn’t mind staying in with. Maybe that fluttering feeling will come back for one, two, five more times in your life before it sticks around for good.
The world is still exploding with possibilities for you.