To care about someone who doesn’t feel the same way back leaves you feeling hurt, crazy for having the feelings that you have, and totally out of your mind. If you’ve ever felt that way, know you’re not alone.
Although I’m no expert in the realm of relationships and love, I’ve been there. I’ve felt the heartbreak and have felt totally, painfully, alone. I have a wonderful support system of friends and family who have always helped me through everything in life, but heartbreak from “relationships that never were” is a realm only us one-sided lovers can really truly understand.
Sometimes, love isn’t a feeling you force upon yourself; it just happens.
When you start to spend more time with another human being, you expose yourself to whom he or she is — all the past experiences, what makes him or her happy or sad, dreams and ambitions in life, flaws and the depths of his or her heart.
And you, in return, divulge your deepest secrets and desires. They know what it takes to make you laugh or feel special, and you build new memories together that make any torment of the past that much easier to bear. It makes you feel hopeful, and before you know it, you’re in love.
Loving someone entails giving away parts of yourself you lock up from the rest of the world.
Everything changes the moment you look at a person differently. You start to notice intricate details you didn’t before, like the curve of his or her lips, the frown line above his or her eyebrows and the way he or she laughs.
You realize how much you adore this person and what you would do to move mountains for him or her. Then, your heart starts to palpitate, fingers start to shake and it dawns on you that the next step won’t be easy. The part where he or she tells you he or she doesn’t feel the same way or can’t date you for whatever reasons or is not ready to be in a relationship can be painful to hear.
Rejection is not pretty. It hurts.
It brings on an onslaught of tears, heartache and self-loathing. This is the part where your shattered heart will start to ask questions like, “Why doesn’t he/she love me?”
You mourn the person’s absence and wonder if he or she thinks of you, too. You get even more depressed by the very thought of you being all emotional while he or she is probably off with someone better. Then, you wonder if he or she cares at all, even just a little bit. And then, you feel sorry for yourself.
Perhaps the sun will shine over the dark clouds one day and you will have your moments of hope and faith — hope that it will get better soon and faith that it will all make sense.
You didn’t understand because in your eyes, the two of you would have been an unstoppable force and an amazing love story. You wish that he or she could see the beautiful world through your lenses.
The truth is, he or she will never understand. He or she will never understand how happy you could have made him or her or how it feels to be loved by you. And that, in the end, is the saddest, most painful part of it all.