There is so much more in love than just happiness. Perhaps love is the saddest thing that could happen to anyone.
Love is frail. I’ve had my fair share with it, and I tell you, it was not all highs and glory. I’ve met love over and over again, and in so many of those times, I have had to let go of those I have journeyed with because of crossroads that made us choose which way we wanted to go. Sometimes we don’t go the same way, and for that, we pay a price.
Love can fail us in different forms.
Friendship made me believe that it was the ultimate alternative to romantic relationships, because friends would never break up with us. It was a lie I had to live with for a very long time. Friendship is brittle. There’s so much love and acceptance that we may overestimate our capacities to understand or to forgive. And even in our sincerest motive to protect our friends from getting hurt, we are taking that one big risk of losing them. And sometimes, we do. We love them so much that we lose them at the end of the day.
Family isn’t perfect either, but I still believe it is beautiful. I just have to open my eyes to the harsh realities of life that even in the most concrete form of love there is, cracks will exist. There will come a day when blood will not be thicker than water anymore. And on that day, I hope you realize what the true definition of family is. I hope you find home as you sojourn.
In so many instances of my life, I have dreamed of so many versions of the future. A different person, a different house, a different wedding, a different place. Imagine having to go through so many different dreams just because the old ones aren’t valid anymore. When I lost my romantic relationships, I lost versions of my future, too. And when the persons were gone, so were the dreams. How much pain can a human heart handle? How many dreams can a person have? For me, the answer is so beautiful: Who knows?
I hope we open our eyes to the reality we never wanted to embrace: Love will fail us. We will be hurt and we will hurt others. Love will make us decide to leave. Love may mean tears and breaking for some. Love is not there to make us feel better all the time. Because when I see love now, I see more than just fleeting emotions. I see blood on the cross. I see my best friend not choosing me. I see my mother crying on the inside. I see myself hurting the innocent. I see death.
And who knows how long we can love and be loved? Nothing is certain to me anymore, because time is never guaranteed. Some will experience the most beautiful sunset of their lives, only to not see the dawn the next day. Some of us will wear that diamond ring but will never face the altar. Some of us will try harder to provide and will end up behind bars. Some of us will be excited to reunite with those we love but will never reach home. And some of us, the ones whose pain we will never understand, end up deciding when to breathe their last.
Love, regardless of its imperfections, is still meant to be beautiful. It will find many windows from the doors that are closed. It will arrive at a time when you do not chase it anymore. One day, it will blossom, from the withered petals of what was once your season of spring. And who knows, maybe autumn will never come back for it anymore. I just hope and pray that whenever love lands onto your doorstep, you let it in. And as long you can, please, let love survive.