Fallacies In Johnny Depp’s “Three Cigarettes” Theory

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The habit of smoking has been becoming more and more prestigious over the last couple of decades, as fewer and fewer individuals engage in the competitive sport. Remember when we were allowed to smoke in airplanes, restaurants, libraries, parks and everywhere we would have liked to light up? Me too, but actually not really at all, though I hear it was a fantastic time of total freedom and utter joy. Certainly during that time everyone was ecstatic due to that sweet liberty of omnipresent, ceaseless tobacco consumption.

Today, the heroic smokers who train passionately and make fiscal and time sacrifices for their intensive training are questioned with a tone of relentless criticism on their reasons for smoking, and responding with a witty answer is the only excusable exit. Eventually, as the stronger human species, smokers’ obdurate dedication will prevail, and it will be unapologetically, because it is your fault you are not joining them, the stronger team, the sophisticated and elegant.

Due to the ascending price of every pack, which ascends non-stop until even the champions of the sport become frustrated and need to decrease their training sessions. It becomes increasingly challenging to maintain the refined elegance of the characteristic raspy voice that defined prior athletes of the sport, as well as attaining the fatal amalgam of sexual prowess the erotic scent of a woody/ leathery-intensive perfume à la Tom Ford combined with the aroma of the delicious smoke.

Hence, one learns how to economize, by attempting the pursuit of a disciplined moderation; just like running, it is medically advised–by specialists of pharmaceutical companies with benign motivations–to at least smoke 2-3 times a day. Much like alcohol consumption and any other such athletic activity, if one gets too irrational about consumption s/he might have to quit. Seeing what could possibly be worse appears unfathomable, the strict 2005 Johnny Depp regimen–as he shared it with the masses via Rolling Stone–provides all the structure a smoker needs:

I’ve weaned myself down to about, on a great day, on a really great day, three cigarettes. For a nicotine junkie the essential cigs are three: the first-of-the-day cigarette smoked after lunch, the after-dinner cigarette and then the one taken whenever you want – the luxury-wild-card smoke. It used to be quite a bit more. It used to be, I’d smoke the table. I’d smoke the patch. I’d smoke the gum. So I feel good about it.

It is important to investigate the multitude of assumptions the prominent theorist made, along with the number of necessary cigarettes he did not categorize within the tight frame of his infamous ‘Three Cigarettes Theory.’

The smoker is erroneously perceived to be a “nicotine junkie,” sans accounting for the possibility this dependency is a choice. It is perilous to disregard all the emblematic figures in the field who have worked for years on developing the psychosomatic dependency the sport requires: their sacrifice is real, and can be calculated as the sum of the fiscal and time decisions they have invested during their smoking lives.

The epistemological approach of the theory additionally ignores what has been considered to be the foremost important cigarette of a smoker’s day: the breakfast cigarette. Functioning as a perfect supplement to warm coffee in the winter and an iced Trenta during the summer season, this is the most important cigarette of the day. Forgetting to smoke the breakfast fag can have catastrophic repercussions on a well-trained smoking aficionado.

The two first suggestions of this strict regime appear reasonable to complete the meal smokes. The further issue arises in the complete ignorance of the topographic dimensions of the smoker: the urban smoker for instance must never omit the rejuvenating smoke following a hellish commute ride, and similarly the country smoker must have the trademarked “nature appreciation cig” every night before heading to bed.

A contrarian might argue that “the wild-card smoke” Depp mentions as the third and last of the day may function as a replacement for the special circumstances he did not use as metrics. Naturally, such a question is naive, since we all know what the wild-card smoke is expected to be, and it is often identified as the primary reason we engage in sexual intercourse. What is sex without the after-sex cigarette? What are we to do in lieu of quietly discuss naked and share the intimacy those who never presented the dedication to excel in this sport? Where will the inhaling experts find such a sweet rumination?

(Johny Depp has quit smoking. It is a pity, but some people are just not cut out for the primal antagonism of the sport.) TC mark

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image – JpFerraz

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