1. So wow cinnabon
2. The universal rule of Starbucks 50c refills doesn’t apply in airports. Wtf.
3. LaGuardia features Artichoke pizza and I would like to die.
4. Also all airports are the same and extreme transference is inevitable
5. Of course my professional life is about to thrive as I’ve left my computer behind and can’t attach docs to what I pitched
6. “I look like a crazy person in swooshy genie pants, Mary Kate sunglasses and my big white headphones in the fucking rain” -my travel partner
7. Weird how stewardesses are the most elitist classist individuals ever and how they feel okay validating themselves via maybe not first class feel like shit.
8. Also, when did it become okay to be openly gauche and feel no remorse
9. Then I was waiting for my luggage, trapped away from all decent airportfood : (
10. Hot dogs aren’t food, they’re a life choice
11. Poncho=the original snuggie
12. it’s really weird how that’s a thing guys can do, but girls can’t: a diatribe on undoing bras smoothly
13. “When we were in Italy it might sound like a privileged experience but we suffered” #overheard
14. “The worst fight of our friendship was about who will get out of bed to turn off the TV bc it was so cold” #overheard
15. This feels a lot like bushweak: a failed attempt to find fun in Texas at 2am
16. “do u want me to read u my piece on liminality?” i asked. “no I want u to pour diet coke in my mouth,” she said.
17. erratic email from college friend: “in austin?sxsw?hate you.eat a brownie and listen to javelin 4me”
18. Avante-garden TX
19. SORRY I DON’T GET SIGNAL HERE
20. The wifi password is “coffee”
21. “Like we’re not from here,” she states as she is asking for parking advice
22. “Like look at all these men doing menly musical things” -girls chat on resetting the stage
23. Then this tho:
24. “free cover” -the idiot bar
25. It’s weird how difficult it is to find not painfully cold water
26. 3.14 day!!
27. “I really want us to get into anime” -friend?
28. “I sprinkled my ankle”-drunk esl
29. Grimes is like a delicate gremlin
30. “Thanks for the acknowledgment” the blind beggar caustically said as I ignored him, having no idea how close I was at snapping at him
31. There’s public nuttela in this restaurant. Columbia grads?
32. It’s so nice to see animals not on the internet
33. “I don’t want love I just want likes”–>new mantra
34. “wow high metabolism” the server said
35. Sweet like Brooke (candy). Will she sign my butt?
36. Riff Rough #madindecent
37. I just convinced someone I don’t know who Woody Allen is
38. What would Brooke candy do #afters
39. Lol @ running into New Yorkers in Austin and ignoring them
40. Sooo new York
41. Ppl doing coke in public-so over it
42. So retro
43. Can I have some?
44. Talking about Stuyvesant cheating w our lunch tacos #mistakos
45. Certain things can only be said to certain ppl, like ‘I’m dancing naked to rihanna’ only works with everyone
46. Ja still rules
47. Most fucked up thing i’ve experienced on this trip is the difficulty of finding a disposable camera
48. Country music gives meaning to people s lives (?)
49. This was before the life-altering gourmand discovery of flaming hot Cheetos in beef jerky sandwiches.
51. Omg whataburger. It exists. #DFW
52. Just got in a really huge fight over rides. At a theme park. Weird to be 13.
53. Apparently saying “I am about to have a nervous breakdown” with popping forehead veins doesn’t always yield refunds.
54. Animal print is really in. Or is this goat a crossdresser?
55. FRIED ONION STICK
56. Lol, it’s snowing in nyc. Hope I dont get sunburned
57. “Are you a writer?” “Why do u assume that?” “Your vengeance laugh.”
58. The foreskin I live in
59. Just shoot me
60. “Why don’t u go back and ask out the guy weep taught us how to shoot?” “He joked about killing Obama”
61. Whatever, I joked about killing Oprah
62. “What’s this minitown?” my inquiry on an outlet mall
63. Doesn’t it suck when you wake up with a huge Kendrick Lamar tattooed on my forehead
64. STARBUCKS DRIVE-THRU: A SEMINAL MOMENT. “How does it feel to be god?” I ask the intercom
65. My friend has given a new meaning to Ariana Reines. “Mercury” belongs to the beauty products sections of stores everywhere.
66(6). Guest star Alexa Chung
67. Texas sized pina colawhyyyy
68. Bud light girls handing out st party necklaces #hell
69. ALSO SPRAYING TEMP TATTOOS! #HEAVEN
70. Lol I got lost on the border
71. Fuck sketchy drugdealers trying to talk to me #samplesale?
72. “I was actually really scared but then I kept falling asleep,” my friend confesses after finding me
73. “Thats just what was in fashion then!” 23 yo cool mom on having an 8yo
74. STARBUCKS DRIVE THRU II: REVISITING THE TRENTA
75. There’s a 90% chance this employee s last words will be “we only have up to Venti”
76. Noguchi vs yesgucci
77. Rt if you like Sam lipsyte, fave if you liked him more before the pushy promotion of his last book you won’t name to take a stand against the vox populi
78. Sometimes I wonder who the”crazy don’t” contact on my phone list is
79. Then I remember and I don’t
80. Rt if every time you see a seahorse your brain runs to Dan Deacon
81. “Beerstroller” just sounds #cooler
82. Red raspa stains all over my beige shorts that can only be drycleaned
83. The hunt for the magic mermaid fairy: a true airport story.