Tweets I Didn’t Tweet While I Was On A Twitter Hiatus In Texas

A Tao-Linian Dialectic With Myself (With Some Pictures, But Not Too Many)

1. So wow cinnabon

2. The universal rule of Starbucks 50c refills doesn’t apply in airports. Wtf.

3. LaGuardia features Artichoke pizza and I would like to die.

4. Also all airports are the same and extreme transference is inevitable

5. Of course my professional life is about to thrive as I’ve left my computer behind and can’t attach docs to what I pitched

6. “I look like a crazy person in swooshy genie pants, Mary Kate sunglasses and my big white headphones in the fucking rain” -my travel partner

7. Weird how stewardesses are the most elitist classist individuals ever and how they feel okay validating themselves via maybe not first class feel like shit.

8. Also, when did it become okay to be openly gauche and feel no remorse

9. Then I was waiting for my luggage, trapped away from all decent airportfood : (

10. Hot dogs aren’t food, they’re a life choice

11. Poncho=the original snuggie

12. it’s really weird how that’s a thing guys can do, but girls can’t: a diatribe on undoing bras smoothly

13. “When we were in Italy it might sound like a privileged experience but we suffered” #overheard

14. “The worst fight of our friendship was about who will get out of bed to turn off the TV bc it was so cold” #overheard

15. This feels a lot like bushweak: a failed attempt to find fun in Texas at 2am

16. “do u want me to read u my piece on liminality?” i asked. “no I want u to pour diet coke in my mouth,” she said.

17. erratic email from college friend: “in austin?sxsw?hate a brownie and listen to javelin 4me”

18. Avante-garden TX


20. The wifi password is “coffee”

21. “Like we’re not from here,” she states as she is asking for parking advice

22. “Like look at all these men doing menly musical things” -girls chat on resetting the stage

23. Then this tho:

24. “free cover” -the idiot bar

25. It’s weird how difficult it is to find not painfully cold water

26. 3.14 day!!

27. “I really want us to get into anime” -friend?

28. “I sprinkled my ankle”-drunk esl

29. Grimes is like a delicate gremlin

30. “Thanks for the acknowledgment” the blind beggar caustically said as I ignored him, having no idea how close I was at snapping at him

31. There’s public nuttela in this restaurant. Columbia grads?

32. It’s so nice to see animals not on the internet

33. “I don’t want love I just want likes”–>new mantra

34. “wow high metabolism” the server said

35. Sweet like Brooke (candy). Will she sign my butt?

36. Riff Rough #madindecent

37. I just convinced someone I don’t know who Woody Allen is

38. What would Brooke candy do #afters

39. Lol @ running into New Yorkers in Austin and ignoring them

40. Sooo new York

41. Ppl doing coke in public-so over it

42. So retro

43. Can I have some?

44. Talking about Stuyvesant cheating w our lunch tacos #mistakos

45. Certain things can only be said to certain ppl, like ‘I’m dancing naked to rihanna’ only works with everyone

46. Ja still rules

47. Most fucked up thing i’ve experienced on this trip is the difficulty of finding a disposable camera

48. Country music gives meaning to people s lives (?)

49. This was before the life-altering gourmand discovery of flaming hot Cheetos in beef jerky sandwiches.

51. Omg whataburger. It exists. #DFW

52. Just got in a really huge fight over rides. At a theme park. Weird to be 13.

53. Apparently saying “I am about to have a nervous breakdown” with popping forehead veins doesn’t always yield refunds.

54. Animal print is really in. Or is this goat a crossdresser?


56. Lol, it’s snowing in nyc. Hope I dont get sunburned

57. “Are you a writer?” “Why do u assume that?” “Your vengeance laugh.”

58. The foreskin I live in

59. Just shoot me

60. “Why don’t u go back and ask out the guy weep taught us how to shoot?” “He joked about killing Obama”

61. Whatever, I joked about killing Oprah

62. “What’s this minitown?” my inquiry on an outlet mall

63. Doesn’t it suck when you wake up with a huge Kendrick Lamar tattooed on my forehead

64. STARBUCKS DRIVE-THRU: A SEMINAL MOMENT. “How does it feel to be god?” I ask the intercom

65. My friend has given a new meaning to Ariana Reines. “Mercury” belongs to the beauty products sections of stores everywhere.

66(6). Guest star Alexa Chung

67. Texas sized pina colawhyyyy

68. Bud light girls handing out st party necklaces #hell


70. Lol I got lost on the border

71. Fuck sketchy drugdealers trying to talk to me #samplesale?

72. “I was actually really scared but then I kept falling asleep,” my friend confesses after finding me

73. “Thats just what was in fashion then!” 23 yo cool mom on having an 8yo


75. There’s a 90% chance this employee s last words will be “we only have up to Venti”

76. Noguchi vs yesgucci

77. Rt if you like Sam lipsyte, fave if you liked him more before the pushy promotion of his last book you won’t name to take a stand against the vox populi

78. Sometimes I wonder who the”crazy don’t” contact on my phone list is

79. Then I remember and I don’t

80. Rt if every time you see a seahorse your brain runs to Dan Deacon

81. “Beerstroller” just sounds #cooler

82. Red raspa stains all over my beige shorts that can only be drycleaned

83. The hunt for the magic mermaid fairy: a true airport story. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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