I’ve known many friends who have been in abusive or toxic relationships. Whether it be physical or emotional, platonic or romantic, it’s hard to watch. Especially when you know there’s nothing you can do to help them except hold their hand.
I met a girl recently, and the more I got to know her, the more I heard about the horrible relationship she had with her boyfriend. It made me so sad, and I tried to give her advice, but you can’t make people listen to you if they don’t want to. In some ways, it wasn’t even my place to talk to her about it, but I still tried.
So for all my friends out there, for all the people I’ve never met, to anyone in an abusive or toxic relationship, this is what I want to say to you.
You deserve love. And love should be easy. I know it’s easy to blame yourself and to think you brought this upon yourself, especially when all you’ve ever known is abusive relationships. It might even seem to you like it’s your fault, or that you’re bringing it upon yourself, but it’s probably not.
Even if you feel like you’re fucked up and have no self-love and hate every minute of every day, you still deserve to be happy, to be loved, just as much as anyone else.
I know it’s easy to get used to being treated badly. You can so easily lose sight of that honeymoon phase from the beginning of the relationship and the reason you fell in love in the first place. But try to put it into perspective. Try and think about that time you shared together and acknowledge that it might not ever be like that again. Sometimes, as painful as it is, you need to look at all the bad shit that happened to you in this relationship and you need to draw the line.
You are your own best friend. At the end of the day, you live alone and you die alone and the only person that ever really matters to you is you. So treat yourself better. Stand up for yourself. Rip off that band-aid and leave that toxic relationship. Even if it takes a while to get there, there is a better life out there for you.
It might seem scary, the thought of leaving a toxic relationship. It’s even harder when you’re so dependant on the other person, when they’re like a crutch. You think you’re gonna fall without them, that you might even die. But you have friends who love you and care for you and if you ask for help from them, you’re gonna get it.
As much as I want you to know this, I can’t make you believe it. And as much as you should leave that toxic relationship, you won’t until you want to. It might seem like there’s no life for you outside of that relationship, but you survived before and you’ll survive after.
At the end of the day, no one is going to do this for you. You might want a better life for yourself, but you’re not going to get there unless you try.