I always picture myself sitting beside you. Holding your hands and laying my head on your shoulder. Then I picture myself hugging you and kissing you. This all but a picture in my head. All but a dream.
I always wanted to meet you and to hang out with you or even just a glimpse of you from afar is all I need. No need for long talks, I said, no need for conversation. I just need to see you even just a second or maybe if time permits a minute to stare at you for your face not to leave my head.
There is something in me and something in you that makes me so eager to know you. I cannot understand myself for behaving like this. You were a total stranger. But looking at you gives me chills to decipher, gives me mysteries to solve, gives me adventures to explore, and gives me reason to get to know you more.
It was all surreal when we finally meet. Days past when I started getting into those layers of your mysteries. I get to know you. I get to be in your life. Get to be your girl. Those dreams of sitting beside you, holding your hands, laying my head on your shoulder to hugging and kissing you finally came true. Finally, it is happening.
But mystery as they are is mystery forever. There is still a barrier. A wall that blocks me to really get to know you more. I cannot get so close and can no longer undressed those layers of yours. You became so distant and I am so hesitant to ask why. You became so distant that we started to drift apart. Words escape me. Too afraid to ask what’s happening and where are we going with this.
Courage finally kicks in. You can’t give me reasons. Reasons, valid enough for me to go on believing in you. What you gave me is empty words. Words different from your action. Words that don’t hold any meaning since you are doing exactly the opposite. I want to hate you, I want to scream how hurt I am. I want to scream to the world how much pain it is causing me. How this whole silence you are giving me pained me. How slowly it changes me. How I can no longer know who am I and what I am doing.
You said to wait for you. But I cannot wait forever, can I? You said you’ll be coming back for me and me alone. But where are you now? You said you love me and only me. But your action speaks different.
I always picture myself sitting beside you, holding your hands and laying my head on your shoulder. It did came true. And I was the happiest. I always wanted to hug and kiss you. It did happen. And it was all so real. So real that I know it will be over soon. That I know behind those hugs, those kiss, those warm hands, lies a deeper reality, a deeper emotions that are waiting to reveal. Reality far more than the love we shared. I guess I have seen this coming but never really said out loud; that one day our paths will cross and will be together.
Enjoying and savoring each other’s company. Laughing to fullest about crazy stupid stuff both of us only know. Those long night conversation where we cried, smile, hike the highest mountains and dive the deepest seas, explore the unknown and picturing our future together. But just like any love story it reach its end, its turning point, its climax, and soon needs to end and to drift apart.
How can something so real can end like that? How can something so passionate have to endure pain like that? How something so magical can be so tragic like that? How something can so perfect can cause so much damage like that?
I was happy and I know you were too. We were so in love together that it started to swallow and consume us. We love each other so much that it explodes and drifted us apart. You love me so much that you let me go. I love you so much that I need to move on.
What we had is so real that it has to end. What we had is so passionate so we can endure the pain. What we had is so magical that we have to get a taste of what tragic is. What we had is so perfect that when finally it has to end we know how damage we both are.
I know this is a once in a lifetime love. I know you came for a reason and leave for a reason I still don’t know what. You gave me so much memories in just a little while. Maybe I just get a glimpse of what true love is and at the same time what true pain is. Maybe, you were never really mine to begin with. It is confusing but I am coping up, or at least.
I have waited for a dream to come true but it did somehow. I was happy. Probably the happiest that ever happen to me yet. If there is one thing you thought me is that dreams do come true because you are my dream and you came true. So now I know that when I dream that this pain to melt away together with my feelings for you, somehow and I know one day it will do come true.