You went down bleeding to fight for the last drop of hope to save this, back and forth you’ve searched and searched, rummaged through years’ worth of memories looking for something to salvage, enumerating all the reasons why you should still stay. To no avail, there were no answers, no hint or some sort, because clearly, he doesn’t want to fight for this anymore and maybe it’s time to believe that too.
Raise your white flag, dodge the bullet, and be the first to say goodbye, truth be told he was waiting for you to say it anyway. Don’t blame yourself for letting go or not holding on enough. Don’t feel sorry for yourself for choosing to walk away, you stayed for as long as you could, more than love would probably have allowed and it’s not your fault.
You loved him and he chose to break your heart.
I know this all too much to take in for wounds are still fresh and pain is the only thing you could feel right now. Feel as much emotion as you need, be angry and grieve if you must, there’s no need for any reason or explanation for this.
You don’t have to look for answers right now or add more questions to your exploding thoughts. You don’t need consolation or sugar-coated future monologues because what you need right now is yourself.
So, go on, bleed some more and relish on the flashback, savor the taste of pain, swim in the ocean of your own tears and drown yourself in his hazy image. Allow yourself to cry some more and scream a little louder.
Do everything in your power to help yourself cope and accept what reality has served you, trust me you will get through this and remember that this is just a phase in your life.
And as you move along in your journey, take with you the lessons, the love, the good parts you want to remember and leave everything else behind. You no longer need those in the succeeding pages of your story. Promise yourself to always choose peace above everything else and If you catch yourself in rage and seeking justice, bend your knees at the waist of your God and pray for him.
Pray for love and compassion so that hate would never have to settle. Pray that you may able to forgive the man who inflicted the wounds, after all, he was once a good man who loved you too. Leave it that way and don’t wait for his apology, this isn’t for him, but for you.
And although your heart is still bursting at the seams.
Fight to live.
Live to survive.
Survive for the stories you will one day tell.
For at the end of it all, it’s only then you will finally understand why hearts split open. Because this is the only way we can truly let go of the ones we love the most.