Is She Worth It?

null
Erik Lucatero / Unsplash

I find myself overwhelmed with truth resting in the arms of my denial.

Everything becomes all too clear and all too much.

I try my best to ease it all in, slow pacing my thoughts and keeping my words discreet. If I could just keep myself together, I’d be able to stay afloat, but this isn’t one of those times that I’m certain I’d be able to.

I’m losing all my senses in me, parts of me are dying right before my very eyes. Hands start to clench into fists holding a handful of rage, pulse races in forceful beats.

Lungs refuse to take in air, while it suffocates itself in cigarette fumes.

My mind starts shutting down, I lose all the fight in me to save this for this time love doesn’t win in this story, for it took shape in the form of betrayal.

It all comes back to me now.

The last days, we’re not a series of bombardment, taking over our lives, it was a definite sign of The End coming to a close.

I remember all those sleepless nights, tossing and turning, utterly confused and out of control. Your kisses suddenly tasted different, like it laced with something…Or someone else. The arms that that used to hold me so tight, no longer feels like home. Our bodies became distant, as our hearts did the same, air seeped through and spaces became wider. Our love grew colder over time.

A thousand questions fill my throat as I choke in each one of them.

“Who is she?”

“How could you!?”

“What happened?”

“When?”

“Why?”

 I could no longer hold it in, I lack the energy for your alibis.

I don’t need the comfort of your lies, just one last time,

Answer me.

Break it to me.

Tell me truth.

Even if it hurts,

Even if it kills me,

That girl you once slipped into our conversation.

That girl’s name you mumbled in your sleep.

That girl who caught your eyes.

That girl you woke up for.

That girl you shared stolen glances with.

That girl who couldn’t look at me straight in the face.

That girl, you kissed from one drunken night.

That girl.

“Is she worth it?” TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

Calming CBD Dog Treats

Looking to calm your dog down without embarrassing yourself or having to get prescription medication? 100% THC free, lip-smacking peanut butter flavor, legal in all US states.

“My dog is my best friend and knowing that she had separation anxiety was killing me. Knowing that her CBD oil keeps her at ease while I’m at work or out is a relief. For both of us.”
— Kendra Syrdal

Thought Catalog readers get 20% off using coupon code: ANXIETY20

Buy CBD dog treats