I’ve been single for a little over two years, now, straight out of a four-year relationship. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I didn’t date much before my ex, or if dating has truly changed that much in the time I’ve been out of the game… but much like most other twenty-something single women, I find that dating is a nightmare. Is it really too much to ask for someone to actually be willing to invest time and energy into someone other than themselves? The answer, is no.
The biggest thing I have trouble with (and yes, it’s a huge turnoff) is being asked begged for nudes. I never knew so many men don’t know the meaning of the word “no” and think that it means “please keep asking.” Personally, I believe that sexting can be beneficial to a solid relationship, but I find it demeaning outside of that. I’m sure I’ll catch all sorts of backlash over my views, but hear me out… here’s why I believe men should just stop asking so much, and women should just stop sending:
• First, I’d like to address the ladies. It’s basic supply and demand, girls. If you keep sending, they’ll keep expecting it. Are you tired of feeling like you’re the only one doing the sending? Then JUST STOP. They’ll get the hint, eventually, and either reciprocate or stop asking. (But if you’re totally okay with being interactive pornography, then send away, baby!)
• Depending on who you send the photos to, it can ruin your life. You may think I’m being just a little overdramatic here, but let’s face it: neither of us is Jennifer Lawrence. We don’t have people on our payroll to do damage control if and when personal photos of us get out. I’ve had friends whose jilted exes have done some serious childish retaliation, which affected the personal lives of these friends. One friend’s ex took all of her racy photos and full on nudes, created a Facebook profile with them, and added friends from her real page. It absolutely devastated her, and she had to fight to get them removed.
• If he texts a simple greeting and then jumps to asking for photos… that’s disrespectful to you and desperate of him. Please remember that you have a personality that deserves to be stroked — especially before he does any stroking of his own.
• It’s impersonal. I mean, sure it’s photos of your personal areas, but compared to the real thing…? Personally, I’d rather have the real thing… not a picture.
• As a society, we perpetuate the trend. Not only are we okay with the hook-up culture that dating has become, but just look at the “news” lately: what photos of which celebrities were leaked. Can you believe there were actually people reposting the photos on social media? Think about it again: would you like photos of you to be plastered for the world to see?
Have a little respect for yourself. Think about what you’re sending. Ask yourself how what you send may affect your future — friends, employment, children — before you press the “send” button. Have a little respect for others. Think about what you’re asking them to send. If your sole reason for texting another person is so you can get off, I recommend other sources of “entertainment.” They make websites and DVDs alike… and those women actually get paid for it.
I’m sure my opinion will be highly unpopular (especially among men,) but I feel like women should take their sexuality and actually be empowered. By giving out pieces of our bodies in forms of photos, we’re giving away pieces of our empowerment. Call me a prude if you want to… but I can promise you I’m not losing any sleep over it.