Why Love Is A Choice (And One You Should Make Over And Over Again)

Call me unromantic for not believing in falling in love.

I do, however, believe in love — just not in the concept of “falling,” of meeting someone and, for no apparent reason, feeling butterflies in your stomach and sooner or later gushing, “I don’t know what happened… I just… FELL in love! It just happened!”

I don’t think you fall in love because when we use the word “fall,” we imply that it wasn’t a fully conscious decision, when I think it actually is. And love doesn’t just happen. You make it a happen. You decide when you want it to happen and who you want it to happen with. You choose. You pick. You decide. You don’t just fall into love — you take a step, maybe you jump (hopefully, happily and excitedly); either way, you make a conscious decision to make it happen.

I’m not saying love has to make sense. Most of the time, we end up with people we never thought we’d actually go out with. But just because we can’t explain it doesn’t mean that we didn’t choose it. Maybe you decided that his horrible way of dressing isn’t as important as his way of making you feel like you’re the most beautiful person in the world. Maybe you gave greater weight to their being able to remember your favorite flowers over the way they chew their food. Maybe you decided to accept the fact that no matter how hard you try, they’ll never understand your geeky jokes. It doesn’t have to be logical; it just has to be a decision — a decision to notice the other person’s better attributes over his or her shortcomings.

Sure, we have better chemistry with some people more than others but what we do with that chemistry is still a decision — do you maximize its full potential, take a leap of faith and level it up; or do you ignore that chemistry and stash that person in the friend zone?

We decide how we proceed with our relationships, whether it becomes love of a romantic sort or not. It doesn’t just happen because everything is a choice.

Even love.

Especially love.