12 Problems Only People With Weird Names Know

The Onion / Youtube.com
The Onion / Youtube.com

1. You have never been able to find any key chain with your name on it.

In all seriousness, this is not that big of a deal. But when you’re seven years old and not a single key chain, pen, or stationary has your name on it, it gets to you a little. And the oddest part is that you will never stop looking. I know I will never ever find my name on any of those items, but that doesn’t stop me from looking for it every damn time. Y’know, in case my name becomes common all of a sudden.

2. People genuinely cannot say your name.

Imagine a scenario in which someone asks you your name, you tell them, and they say it back to you with a completely different pronunciation than the one you used. Excuse me sir, did you think I was lying to you? Did you think I accidentally pronounced my own name wrong? What in the world would make you think that my name sounds like anything other than what I just uttered?

3. The first day of school is a nightmare.

As is the day your college professor passes back all the tests. There comes a point in your life when you recognize the look of confusion on the professor’s face when they get to your general area of the alphabet, and you decide to take one for the team and step forward. Assuming they’re stuck on your name is far easier than dealing with the awkward pronunciation that is about to ensue.

4. People think you’re foreign.

I actually can’t count the amount of times someone has thought I was saying a different name with a British accent. Which then leads to the question of where I’m from. Are my parents foreign too?

5. People don’t believe that it is actually a name.

First, people will tell you they’ve never heard that name before. And then when you explain its origins, they ask if your parents made it up. Well, ummm, no, because I just gave you the origins of the damn thing. They’ll ask if it’s a nickname for something, they’ll ask where your parents are from, and they’ll ask every question they can think of until they finally accept that it’s a name and there’s nothing they can do about it.

6. When you find someone who actually knows your name, it’s like winning the lottery.

There is nothing more satisfying in life than finding a person who not only pronounces your name correctly the first try, but also knows exactly where it came from. Heck, they even have a great aunt with that name.

7. People think it’s okay to make fun of your name.

Umm hello? I understand that it may not be your cup of tea, and sometimes it isn’t mine, but I have to live with it. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned to love my name. But I can’t count the amount of times I’ve gotten a “REALLY?! I thought my name was bad!” or a “Don’t worry honey, you’re prettier than your name!” I actually cannot consider a situation in which I would ever say that to another person, but I’ve gotten it too many times for it to be okay.

8. There is literally only one of you in any social group.

If a rumor is spread about you, it’s spread about you. It’s not about a girl named Mary that someone will forget tomorrow. Oh, no siree. You’re the only person with that name in a 500-mile-radius and you are sure as hell known for your actions. Consider this: if my name was Sarah and I hooked up with a boy, that boy’s friends and peers would not know the difference between me and every other Sarah at my college. But when I hook up with a boy and then proceed to introduce myself to other people, I am constantly met with the “ OHHH you’re ______’s girl!” My name is so distinguishable that people know who I am the second they meet me.

9. You don’t know why people put your last name in their phones.

As if you’re going to confuse me with the other Eileen?

10. You have a special way of explaining your name to people.

You dumb it down for them, so when the look of pure confusion comes across their face (as it usually does) you can help them out by explaining it in its simplest terms. In fact, you may even have a rhyme for it.

11. People find the weirdest nicknames to give you.

It starts with the mean ones, the ones they know will annoy you. Somewhere along the line your friends try to be clever and give you a cute (it’s probably not that cute) nickname that they try to use often. And then finally, when you think they’ve thought of every single nickname for your weird name, someone decides to call you by the first letter of your name. And nothing else. Just that first letter. As if you’re in an episode of Pretty Little Liars.

12. You’ve considered changing your name.

Not legally, of course. But when you graduated high school and went to a new place full of strangers, you considered changing what people call you. Wouldn’t it be so easy to tell someone that your name is this, but people call you this? Or even better, to go by your middle name, just to make life a little bit easier? TC mark

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