I Was Nothing More Than A Late Night Text

Brittanie Loren Pendleton
Brittanie Loren Pendleton

The only thing that I have to ask after everything is, when did feelings become such a bad thing. When did actually caring for someone become a vice?

The minute you get into college, the idea of being casual is so abruptly exposed to you. Basically meaning, do whatever the hell you want with anyone just make sure you don’t get feelings.

And me personally loved this new found concept. I reveled in it all of freshman year and fall semester of sophomore year. Then you happened. My ultimate downfall. You, my dear, have ruined me.

It’s funny because I’ve always found you attractive, for the year that I’ve known you. We’ve always been friends and I was always dreaming on the side what it would be like being with you knowing very well that the chances of me and you were zero to none. But then just like that they weren’t.

You decided you wanted me and I loved that. I loved that I was the one you texted at 4 am and not anyone else. I knew what I was to you but here lies my ultimate downfall, I fell for you anyways. Every minute spent with you festered feelings in me that I didn’t even know I had.

Is it my fault? Probably. I knew what I was but I allowed myself to fall for you.

That’s bullshit. Bullshit created by our stupid generation who is too freaking scared to feel. Too freaking scared to care about something. Because we are the generation that’s been hurt. We’ve all been hurt by someone and that causes us to shut everyone out, to pretend that we have no feelings because if we act like we don’t care we eventually won’t.

False. I still care. I’ll never admit it to you and probably go my entire life never telling you because fuck feelings right?

But does it really though? Does actually caring about someone make you a bad person? A weak human being? Hell if I know.

All I know it hurts like hell when I know you don’t feel the same way. So maybe our generation’s got a point but at the same time, the moments I spent with you kind of make it all worth it even if it isn’t reciprocated, even the pain.

So I’ll brush it off, that’s what our generation is really good at anyways though right? TC mark

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