Have you ever blamed yourself for something wrong or bad that had happened? I know, I do. I know everybody else did, too, at least once. We tend to blame ourselves when there is no one else we can point a finger to; we judge ourselves; we criticize ourselves. But know that judging or blaming yourself will do no good to you. The truth is, it will only grow roots to where you are standing; blaming yourself will only hold you down, it would not make you move on because you do not let yourself move on.
We all have our fair share in regards to failed relationship, lost love, unrequited feelings, hidden affections, fell out of love, you name it. We all have lost in a game or two; gave up in battles and raised the white flag. Those were not really the important events, it was what comes after those overthrows. Realizing you have lost is bad by itself, what does judging yourself do good in you? Not only you could not move on, you are also torturing your mental state by saying things to yourself which only make sense due to your pain.
You cannot always hold a grudge to yourself. Things would not make sense even if you force it to. Stop punishing yourself; stop asking the question ‘why’ for you know you will never have a definite answer that will give you peace. She chose to leave, then let her, especially when you know you have done everything that is there to be done; especially when you have given everything you could give. Stop doubting yourself if you have had shortcomings. There is nothing you could have done if leaving you was part of her plan all along.
Look at things on the brighter side, look at things with positivity. Look back and reminisce the good things you shared with her. Learn the lessons from what has happened. Not everything will always be in your favor, life will not adjust by your standards neither will people. Nobody will ever want to be hurt so you cannot let your guard down by being so confident with what you have right now that you think will last.
Stand up, suck it in, and try again. Stop blaming yourself and taking all the credits for what happened wrong. Stop holding yourself in one place, move on. There is nothing left worth holding on now. Let go.
Know that there was nothing you could have done if she has already fixed her mind on a decision, even if you ended up staying together, best chances are you will only stick together again for months or maybe more but you will always have the same ending, one will always leave. A relationship once broken could never be restored to its perfect state as it was before. Stop destroying things over and over again by forcing it. Accept the fact that you were not destined in the first place. Do not revolve your world around a single person, you do not know for sure if things are for good. What if she ended up leaving you? Your world would crash down hard, your world would stop turning for it has lost its axis, and would leave you blaming yourself.
Learn to live each day as a new one, do not let your past chain you down, do not let your guilt imprison you. You did what you thought was right, you did what you knew would make you happy. Never be afraid to try again, to stand up after you fall. Yes, be more careful, but do not shut your door to the world. Never stop yourself from taking risks, never stop yourself from living. After all, a kid never stops playing even after a bruised knee.
If it helps, be careless just so you could care more about yourself. Nobody would take good care of you other than yourself. Alcohol could only do so much. Not every time you will get lucky to have something or someone to rely on when things get ugly. You need to be on your own, depend on yourself alone. Man up and own you. Run your own life, do not let anyone be the director of your own movie.