You Are My Forever And Always

I believe it was Monday afternoon, we went straight to my place just right after school. We agreed to have some street food after we put our back packs down. We decided to eat something grilled – oh, our favorite! I wanted some coconut juice, but we ended up drinking some sodas – though you know I should start cutting them out. It was a usual day until we reached back home, my sister was at the door, probably waiting for me to deliver the news, the news I refused to share with you right away, the news that started the domino fall of us.

“The petition papers were approved, we’re leaving in more or less than a year,” not her exact words, but her exact thought. I was crying when I got back beside you.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, wiping my tears, placing your arms around me, kissing my forehead,

“Nothing serious. Just promise me we’ll work things out no matter what,” I answered looking right at you. You looked puzzled that time, don’t know what I was talking about.

“Is it final? Is there a way for you to stay? How ‘bout your studies?” And then you looked at me – oh, your sad eyes, baby. You hugged me tighter, kissed my lips for a second, “How about us? Our plans?” More like you are talking to yourself that time than me. I told you nothing will change. That was the time we began to screw things up.

Months passed by, things changed, you changed. You started choosing your friends over me all the time; you started lying regarding your whereabouts; you started have a life without me. All along I thought we can work things out. Months left ‘til I leave, I thought we are getting stronger. Well, I’ll be damned.

You decided that things are going out of our control, you said you can’t take the fact that you’re causing me pain without intending to anymore, that’s when you told me the bullshit cliché, “there is a right time for us, not now, but someday when we’re both capable to accept our differences.” I thought it was the same break up we were having all the time. But, hell, you never came back. Sure enough will never come back for you have yourself a new baby girl.

Months ago, I went home. I thought maybe if we could meet, talk things through, I’ll get you back, but then again, I’ll be damned. You said, “I’m not here to say sorry. I know you are so used to them by now,” right then and there I knew I’m not getting you back soon, or not at all, I guess.

I was drunk all the time, kissed someone to endure the pain, fooled myself that I love someone else. Right when I was being happy about my life, truth punched me right at my face, I still love you, and still not over you.

You gave me reasons to stay in love with you for all those years, and I still have the same reasons now. You were the only person who could pull successful surprises for me; you made me feel like a damn princess; you kept up with my dramas in life.

More than a year after calling it quits, mistakes were made, wounds are healed – well, at least yours – time has passed. I want to thank you, for that Monday afternoon, for all the days you loved me true, for all the things you eased to keep up with my bizarre life. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong, and be there for myself. You are, and will always be, my forever and always. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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