At least I don’t have to keep up with your crappy taste in music anymore, or have to inhale every secondhand smoke you breathe out, I don’t have to ignore your loud snores at night either, because you won’t let me anymore.
It all still feels like yesterday: the pain, the fact you don’t want to try anymore, you leaving. They say it takes time, you know, to heal. I guess, the only thing time does is getting you used to the pain, the hollow part of you; I don’t think it really heals you, maybe it does, but it will never be enough. You can’t turn yourself on and off just to refresh the feelings, and really start over, you will always have a part of me – that part of me.
I can’t look at the stars without remembering you anymore. We used to count them together looking like fools. We used to dream with them having as our witnesses.
You see, there are pros and cons when you left. Not all that happened was bad: I can now leave my phone once in a while, not having to text you all the time, you know, so I had a life when you left. I started meeting people who made me feel so beautiful, that I don’t have to be insecure with anyone at all. But you see, not all of it was good either: whenever I try to start a new flame with someone, I’m trying to find you in them, which never worked out as you can guess, because if it did, I wouldn’t be desperately single right now.
Setting you as my standard is wrong, I guess, but I have no choice, you were the only guy I ever had in my life. My parents were separated, all I have are my sisters and my mom. You were with me every step of the way: you protected me, made me feel safe all the fucking time, you guided me, supported me, you saw the real me, you loved me.
I never thought I’d miss your snore this much, your annoying and insulting laugh, your beard – God, I used to hate that beard! I miss your face, your voice, your hand in mine, your tight hugs, your forehead kisses. Oh, I miss you so much… So much…