Here’s A List Of The Guys I’ve Had Sex With

I love sex. In all of my past relationships, my exes have always said that they had more sex with me than with anyone else. I’m proud of that. I know what I want and won’t stop until I get…well, I won’t be creepy, but you get the point.

I love having sex with other people. The first three people that I had sex with involved long-term relationships. After my last boyfriend and I broke up, I decided it was time to take advantage of the large college that I go to and explore my options. Here are the guys I’ve experienced sexual relations with:

1. The First One

We were young and naïve and thought that we had to world at our feet. We had a future planned out. We were 14 (“Holy shit, that’s young!” … “Yeah, I know”). Even though I lost my virginity to you, I wasn’t hurt when we broke up. I went to a different school and kind of just forgot about you. I was wearing an orange tank top and a sports bra; you asked to take my shirt off and I said no. Honestly, I barely remember losing my virginity.

2. The First Real Love

Two years after losing my virginity, you came around and we were best friends who turned into lovers. We had the best relationship. We were so in love. You were a nerd and I was the pretty girl, and everyone at school still thought we were a cute couple. We high-fived after we first had sex because we knew we loved each other but also knew that we couldn’t go long without a good laugh. I was heartbroken after we broke up.

3. The Mender

You came out of the blue and mended my heart back to health when I thought I would never love again. You were 21, the oldest guy I’ve ever had sex with (still). You had a job and were a sophomore in college. You were in a band. We went through more struggles than any other relationship I’ve ever seen. We were engaged before I left for college. We weren’t speaking when my first year of college ended, and for some reason I was fine with that.

4. The Rebound

A week after the mender and I broke up, you swept in to catch the newly single girl. You had everything I wanted: hilarious sense of humor, amazing body, loved your mama. God, you were so good at catching my eye. “I’ve liked you since the first time I met you, but you were never single so I didn’t want to make a move.” That’s all you had to say to me, and I was yours. We continued to fornicate until the end of the semester. I knew it wasn’t going to last, but you were a great friend and I was going to miss you.

5. The Cheater

You had a girlfriend. Well, you still have a girlfriend. I met you while I was blackout drunk and then you took me out to dinner the next day. You told me that you and your girlfriend were still Facebook official but just recently broke up. Gag me. I know you just wanted to get in my pants and I wanted the same. Your dick was a lot bigger than I was expecting. I slept over your house and left the next morning. You texted me weeks later saying that you and your girlfriend were going to try and work things out and wanted my opinion. My reply: “Awesome! Thanks for the sex!” Do you really think I cared? I was just using you for sex just like you were for me.

6. The Rando Guy I Met On Tinder

I just moved to a new city so you showed me around so in return I showed you around, too. We would never work out in a relationship. You held my hand in public. I didn’t like that. We were fuck buddies, not dating. Once I told you I only wanted to have sex and it would last only until the end of summer, you starting to distance yourself from me. That’s too bad, we actually had pretty awesome sex. Your dick was really big, though, and I felt like you were going to rip me in half sometimes. Ouch.

7. Lucky Number Seven

We met last day of freshman year and nothing happened. We were beer pong partners who ended up Facebook messaging for a little. You were really sweet and then when I was visiting a friend over the summer you showed up. I was pleasantly surprised. We drank as a group but I was at a different table from you. We got back home and you were going to your room to “listen to music.” In my drunken state I said yes and I don’t regret it. We had pretty terrible sex, but for some reason you still charmed me. You spoke to me in Spanish. So hot. I slept over in your bed. You kissed me goodnight and we fell asleep cuddling and holding hands. I didn’t expect to like you, but I do. We’ll see each other again in the fall and maybe I’ll pursue you. EYou impacted me in this weird way. Maybe I’m ready for a relationship again. Either way, thank you. Thank you for taking me out of my state of distaste for any type of emotional relationship and giving me hope that I can have a relationship that isn’t strictly physical again.