6 Legitimate Reasons It’s Actually A Good Idea To Stay Single Forever

Before you go looking to tie down, just keep these things in mind.

1. You don’t have to share.

“Don’t you want someone to share your life with?” No. I don’t. When you were a kid and you played with the best toy then some kid asked to borrow it, I highly doubt you leaped with joy at the thought of someone else using it. Sharing isn’t fun. Especially if what you are sharing is the rest of your human existence.

2. You get to attend a lot less funerals.

In serious relationships and marriages, you are no longer going to only your family’s funerals, but now you have to go to your significant other’s family funerals as well. (Showing support is important, but come on. It’s her great aunt. You could be napping right now.)


3. No divorce.

If you don’t get married, you never have to get divorced. It’s that simple.

4. Your own toilet.

Without a significant other in the household, you have the toilet seat to yourself. Piss all over that thing if you want.

5. You never have to meet the parents.

By avoiding relationships, you get to avoid the classic burden of meeting judgmental middle-aged birth-givers. Sure, they might have contributed to creating a very attractive daughter, but nothing says “sexy” like her dad staring at you disapprovingly during a home-cooked meal.

6. You never have to worry about saying the wrong thing.

My friend once got a girl a bouquet of flowers and attached a note. It read “these flowers are like our relationship. Looks good now, but in two weeks it’ll be dead.” Had he never tried to go after this girl in the first place, he could have bypassed the entire situation.