I know what you’re going to say- that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with high standards.
But see, there’s a difference between having high standards and having high expectations. When you have high standards, these are the things that are usually a deal breaker for you in relationships such as being able to have deep conversations with you, or being able to meet you halfway or texting you at least to check up on your day or even physical things such as being taller than you. But when you say expectations, you’re basically comparing the person you’re dating to your ideal guy in your head and that is what makes relationships absolutely toxic.
It’s okay to get upset if he forgets to pick you up after work, especially if you’re the kind of girl that gets turned on by simple acts of chivalry. However, it’s not okay to get upset if he forgets to buy you a gift for a special event. It’s not okay to get mad at him if he wasn’t able to write you a letter this month, especially since he just literally gave you one a month ago. It’s not okay to bitch out at him, even if it is that time of the month. This isn’t a double standard thing- just like boys shouldn’t hurt women even if they are pissed, girls shouldn’t do the same either.
There are so much girls out there who claim to be “feminists” that I know of who actually get pissed when the guy forgets to pay for dinner on the first date. What they don’t know is that some guys also judge women on that first date based on if they actually offer to pay half of the bill. There are actually happy relationships out there where both genders pay 50/50 but every once in a while, the other would offer to pay if they have the finances or its a special day like an anniversary or if they just feel like it.
I also notice lots of girls who get troubled when the guy doesn’t have the finances to always buy her things or surprise her. Relationships don’t always have to revolve around money, you know? As a female, you tend to have these expectations like the perfect wedding or you have these expectations to suddenly turn him into your latest project like making him into your ideal guy but did you ever try just letting the person you’re dating be themselves? Girls complain about guys never treating them all the time, and yet they want the perfect wedding and they want all these material things but if you face reality, you literally can’t have everything you want unless you’re maybe really really rich. And if you just let them be able to breathe into their own skin without complaining so much, see the magic that actually happens. I know that it bothers you that he’s selfish or that he keeps looking at other women or that he isn’t chivalrous enough, but if it really bothers you, then why don’t you just leave? I’m sure there are girls out there more suited for him, someone who would never dare change him. As I’m sure there is someone out there more suited for you, someone you don’t have to call out on to surprise you with things or to make you his princess.
Love is supposed to be just about appreciation and growing together, both as a person and as a couple. It was never supposed to be about having these expectations or these “relationship goals” that you see on social media because not every couple that posts on social media is happy. You don’t need validation from other people to prove you’re happy just like when you’re happy as a writer, you tend to forget to write. That’s because when you’re happy, you never needed validation from anyone other than yourself.