In school, you always see these cliques. There’s the popular kids, the average kids, and then there are the outcasts. It’s not that they don’t have friends but it’s that everyone looks at them differently that they never seem to belong. Whether it’s their body type or having a weird laugh or being too into books, everyone would always find something weird about them and they would use that to alienate them from everyone else.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this, especially in High School or College, but people tend to have this need to fit in or belong, even if it meant being someone you’re not. Before school starts, we often have this unbreakable confidence on starting anew and making lots of new friends and having a lot of adventures. Amidst that, however, we start to feel the loneliness inside us or the deep craving to fit in and to belong like everyone else. And at the worst case senario, we get bullied for being different. We get laughed at and we get humiliated for being ourselves and yet, the world judges us after changing into someone we’re not.
I’ve always been a keen observer and as someone who has been through the exact same thing, I tend to fall for the outcast and misfits of this world. If they have a dark past or if they have ever felt the darkness of trying to become someone they’re not for the sake of everyone else, my heart really melts for them. Maybe it’s because I know-
I know how it feels to want a best friend that just understands you and would never ever betray you
I know how it feels to have friends betray your trust and spread lies about you that aren’t real and make people hate you for lies
I know how it feels to crave for a version of yourself that isn’t you
I know how it feels to be left out and feel like you don’t belong anywhere in this world because you act differently and you look differently
I know how it feels to cut a part of yourself just so you could belong whether it’s your awkwardness or your strong values and beliefs or your hidden geek side
I know what it’s like to do stupid decisions and regret it for the rest of your life all because you were craving for a place in this world
Maybe I fall for them because I know that nobody would understand me in the same level if I didn’t love someone who has gone through darkness in their life as I have. Real love isn’t found in perfection and it definitely isn’t composed of butterflies and rainbows. Real love is found when someone has the capacity to understand you and love you even through your mess. Maybe that’s why I always fall for the broken ones and the misfits of the world- only they have the capacity to see light within darkness. Maybe I fall for them so we could learn through each other’s mistakes in the past and we could be the light in each other’s lives when one is too consumed by darkness. Maybe I fall for them so we could help each other bring the best version of ourselves while accepting that our past will always be a part of us.
And maybe, just maybe, I fall for them to help them realize that they never had to become someone they weren’t because I loved them for exactly who they are.