This Is What Putting Effort Into A Relationship Really Means, Because It’s Not Just Candlelit Dinners

couple in field
Vince Fleming

We focus so much on what we deserve that we actually forget what’s right in front of us the entire time. Maybe love was never about what you deserve, but what you never thought you needed until you realize they make your life a whole lot better.

The world romanticizes relationships so much that we have this tendency to higher unnecessary expectations, and maybe this has everything to do with unrealistic portrayals of relationships in novels and books.

Either way, maybe the definition of love is so blurred that we don’t even know how to tell if we really do love someone. Romance novels portray unrealistically high standards on how you show you love someone with a grand gesture, such as a candlelight dinner with rose petals surrounding it or giving a huge bouquet of roses with every kind of chocolate she would like.

Maybe love has nothing to do with the things you buy for the person you love because love can’t be measured by the amount of flowers you buy for her or by the amount of roses surrounding a candlelight dinner. Just because you choose to kiss someone under the pouring rain just like The Notebook, it doesn’t suddenly mean you love her.

Money can’t buy happiness, and it certainly can’t buy love either. Love isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel because in real life, relationships last because you work for it.

When you say effort is a need for a relationship, this doesn’t mean just buying them their favorite flower or spending money on that book they always wanted to buy for themselves. Effort is a more intimate thing than spending your money on them.

It’s paying attention to all of them when you’re with them, and not putting half your attention on your phone. It’s actually being genuinely curious as to how they’ve been doing and wanting to know their deepest and saddest thoughts at night, and what made them feel this way. It’s surprising them on their birthday and going to their place and making their day special, because you know how much they look forward to their birthday. It’s actually making them feel wanted and treating them the way they deserve.

Effort was never about the material things. Effort is how loved and valued you make them feel, whether you’re together or apart.

It’s about her not having to tell you what she needs because you already know it. It’s about forehead kisses and cuddles on mornings because you know how grumpy she gets in the morning, but not when you wake her up right. It’s about never making her feel like she puts in all the effort to make the relationship work. It’s about making her a priority, no matter how busy your day gets.

It’s about knowing that she deserves the love she gives everyone else because you know she’s your everything. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Dorothy Anne Field

Full-time Freelance Writer. Contributing Writer. MNL, PH.

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