This 2017, I Had A Love That Was Real

couple hugging in front of their home
Jordan Bauer

When I met him, the first boy I completely gave my heart to, it wasn’t anything even remotely close to what happens in movies. When I met him, it was ordinary. I first met him in a four-walled classroom where we were classmates in college. There weren’t sparks and it definitely wasn’t love at first sight; but there was an undeniable connection that I could never explain.

He had made me laugh in the first 10 seconds that I met him, and to me, that was everything.

I never did believe in love at first sight, but I believed in love at first connection and chemistry. It wasn’t anything I have felt before. He was a complete stranger and yet, his eyes felt so inviting.

It was the most unexpected and most amazing thing to ever happen to me this year. He was everything I have been waiting for to happen to me.

It wasn’t a feeling that most romance novels portray because loving him felt like coming home. I felt safest with his arms wrapped around me at night and falling asleep with so much peace in my heart.

We didn’t start as best friends. We didn’t have a solid foundation, as most people point out that friendship is a solid foundation for a relationship. However, people often forget that chemistry is also a solid foundation, and so is passion. Being with him felt like being intoxicated in both life and love. I both found myself and lost myself when I was with him, but it was the good kind of lost; I got lost in his gentle kisses and random spikes of desire. His love made me have the courage to let down the walls that took me so long to build and finally let him into my world and eventually, my heart. We had the most bizarre relationship because he made me feel safe but he still made my heart pound, even after a million dates with him. Knowing that I get to see him the next day still makes me anxious with excitement that I could never contain.

I always thought to myself how could it be possible to suddenly fall for someone more and more with each moment that you get to spend with them? How could it be possible to be so addicted to the sound of their laugh or the feeling you get when their hand touches yours?

It takes time to fall in love with someone but why am I suddenly falling fast for eyes that leave me speechless and words that leave me doubtful and a heart that gives me strength and weakness at the same time? What’s the precise moment that you realize that it’s love? Is it the way his eyes would light up when he smiles because it was the kind of smile that makes you want to kiss him and there is no better taste that someone’s happiness in your mouth? Is it the way they say they love you and you can’t help but smile because you know he means it with his whole heart? Is it the way he does the little things for you like opening doors or pinching your cheeks when you get so grumpy? Is it the way you know that this boy right here contains your past, present and your entire future and you couldn’t be any more grateful?

Or is it because all the love you gave away to everyone you’ve ever loved finally came back to you because this is a love you deserved?

Is it the way you want nothing in the world but him him him and it’s insane and overwhelming and mad and passionate and lovely and annoying and amazing all at the same time?

The world stops and time freezes because when i’m with him, nothing else seems to matter. When i’m with him, it’s just moments of love and laughter and intimate eye contact and not-so-accidental moments where his skin meets mine and suddenly our hearts are on fire and we’re suddenly home. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Full-time Freelance Writer. Contributing Writer. MNL, PH.

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