I think that the worst moment of all moments combined is when you can not only hear, but you could also feel the intensity and the damage of your own heart breaking.
It’s as if your life is back to black and white and you’re just standing in the background, unsure of what to do as you witness what you could call both a tragedy and a loss of your own soul.
You think of all the people who have damaged you into the person you are today, unable to let anyone in. You think of the person you loved with so much passion you could ever imagine, the first person you ever imagined a future with only to have it gone in a fraction of a moment.
You think not of those mundane moments, but of those moments you were filled with so much life that you ever thought possible and you just wanted time more than anything in the world.
You think of every overwhelming emotion you ever felt; anxiety, sadness, grief, fear, love, depression, and even happiness.
You think of how you had to be strong enough to not fall apart because you always have to be a that strong girl.
You think of every moment that you were told that you didn’t care enough about anything when in truth, you care just a little too much about everything.
You think of every moment you were told that you were selfish when in truth, all you ever did was give parts of yourself to everyone until you were empty, yet it still made you happy to put everyone’s needs above your own.
You think of all these moments, both of the past and of the present, and you think if these moments are disguised as sharp edges of a knife, used to cut you piece by piece until what’s left of you is simply just ash and the memory of the girl that did everything to be strong for the sake of everyone around her.
Because that’s all everyone thinks; you’re a girl who’s all laughter and smiles and has everything figured out when in reality, you have completely shut down on any emotion. Numb. You are now the definition of someone who is numb because she did everything for everyone, even if it meant losing herself completely.