The In Between Friend Zone: Where Do You Stand?

Flickr / Mikael Tigerström
Flickr / Mikael Tigerström

I am certain that almost all of the female species have asked this inexhaustible, unrelenting and infuriating question on their minds.

“Well, I’m in what zone?”

I’m not gonna sugarcoat this because this part of the never-ending relationship cycle is a load of BS. I mean, honestly, why can’t this be as simple as, “we’re just friends”, and “I want a relationship with you”. That seems like a good idea, isn’t it? So, why aren’t we doing it?

As you all know, there are only two zones we’re gonna end up with. Guess what? (sarcasm).

Voilá. The “Friend-zone” and the “Romantic-zone” (got it from a series I was watching). It’s actually self-explanatory, I mean, who doesn’t know the difference? You might have been in that zone far longer than the other. You might have been comfortable in that zone. You might even be trying to jump from the other zone onto the next. Well, here’s my secret, I’m here as well.

Here where?

Here at the midpoint of both zones. The place where you’re hanging off the edge, wondering if it’s alright to fall or if it’s safer to just crawl your way back up. This is the place where it hurts the most because this is where the ends meet. This is where the emotions keep running back and forth while you cling on it and fight for your dear life. You can’t even say how far you’ve gone because you haven’t been anywhere else per se. And the truth is, you’d say you’re okay with either but secretly wishing for the other.

I’m still here trying to figure out what to call that place ─a nameless but meaningful zone, a ruthless and comforting position. Of course, there are a lot of awkward questions in line for those trying to find out which zone they’re in (and a lot of broken hearts, too). But being in the middle is just worse. Because trying to find out if harmless flirting is really harmless or counted as flirting, or if going out means it’s a date or just hanging out, is utterly impossible if it isn’t called out for.

What do I do?

Well, I think the other party has an idea of how you might feel towards him, and still hasn’t found an appropriate answer himself. We can hear or say famous lines like, “I’m not ready for a relationship” or “We’re good, aren’t we?” or “pursuing a relationship would jeopardize the friendship”. But the question is, does it stop there? Have you drawn the line? Have you crossed the line?

Of course, confessing is one of the most effective solutions in finding out the real state of the relationship, instead of just waiting it out. That is if you are both honest with each other, but if this set-up is clearly uncalled for, and you may say that “it just happened”, then you’re screwed. Because this place, my friend, is nameless. Still, confessing can be an option. But if the other party doesn’t feel the same way about you, chances are you not only lose a possible chance of a relationship, but also a friend.

Sucks, right?

Yeah, it does. But sometimes, the most you can do is take the risk or take the fall. You won’t know unless you’ve tried and if you fail, so what? At the very least, you did what you had to so you wouldn’t end up getting hurt in the long run.

It’s not because you wanted to know sooner that you are actually trying to rush things, it’s knowing that the what’s taking place in this situation is mutual and that no one is being manipulated, taken for granted, or worse, hurt.
Thinking about where you stand in a relationship is exhausting and stressful, so do me a favor and release yourself from the tension build-up. It’s never wrong to take care of yourself first before whoever you want to end up with. TC mark

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