You can’t convince me enough why do I need a tattoo of my dog on my left buttock. Even better, a family portrait on my back. Ever heard of a picture? Especially when the whole world is digital now and you have multiple sources of backing up your media. (Just saying, in case you want to preserve something for eternity, don’t forget that you are not immortal.) Anything could happen: you can gain weight, or loose weight, or give birth, or simply regret it. The last one happens quiet often. If you absolutely must, my advice – don’t get a cheap one.
I understand that you “love” things. Does that mean I should get a Netflix tattoo? I love it. It’s the best thing after a long day at work. I also love going to the gym. How about a mean looking rat on my shoulder, to make it obvious that I am one. Your heritage is important. I’m Russian and I’m very proud of it, however, do I need a Russian flag tattoo on my chest? I’m proud to be Russian on my left ankle? Kiss me, I’m Russian? (Oops, wrong one.)
I see tribal tattoos at the gym all the time. Remember I mentioned that some tattoos are perfectly acceptable on a deeper level, like spiritual or cultural? Just approach any guy with a tribal tattoo and ask him “Sir, I beg my pardon, are you from a Polynesian village?” I bet he will have a hard time figuring out where Polynesia is on the map. So which tribe do you belong to? Douche tribe? No offense, but at least have some back up story behind your tribal tattoos. Like, I got it because it helps me lift more weight.
Ok, I can understand this one. You are a part of Russian mafia (or Italian, Jewish, Irish, fill in the blanks, I don’t mean no disrespect) and you gotta look presentable. Nice shirt and a tie are not gonna cut it. Plus, you will never get a job anywhere else, so who cares if it’s on your neck or forehead. Does it look stupid? To me it does, but who am I to judge a criminal. After all that is how they identify each other. Its kind of a business card, just tattooed on your face.
You know what I’m talking about. These poetic phrases on your abdomen or lower back, because they mean so much to you and this is what you live by and bla bla bla… I’m bored. Seriously? Pinterest isn’t enough anymore? Why would you put a quote on your forearm? I understand its your favorite Psalm and it is spiritual to you, but we have bibles now in digital formats. Also, with smartphones you can pull it up on your screen in a matter of seconds. Unless you are lost in the woods and there is no Wi-Fi, then you got me, a quote on your forearm will come in handy.
6. Foreign Symbols.
Because everyone knows what that Chinese symbol means (or Arabic, or Japanese, fill in the blanks). Wait, are you part of the tribe?
7. Your significant other.
Please, don’t ever get your boyfriend/girlfriend name tattooed on your skin. Anywhere. Even if it’s hidden from everyone. Don’t do it. You can’t predict future, especially if you’re going to be with this person till your last breath.
8. Peer pressure.
You have no idea how many times I was on a verge of getting one, because everyone else has one. Like with everything else, everyone has their ears pierced, everyone is getting married, everyone is having babies, everyone is moving to Florida (well, I don’t know how much that one is true, but it’s warm over there and they have palm trees) Anywhoozle, just because everyone is doing “it” doesn’t mean you should do it. Have some respect for your own body.
9. Support a Cause.
That one is hard to argue, mainly because of the ethical nature. Maybe you are a breast cancer survivor and you want to have a pink ribbon tattoo, or you served in the army. Whatever your cause, I’m sure it means a lot to you. It’s your core value, it’s who you are and it’s your personal business.
As for myself, I want my body to remain pure and clean of any modifications. I want to be recognized by my actions. I choose to treat my body with respect. I eat healthy, workout and I want my body to speak for itself. I don’t want tattoos to speak for me, in most cases tattoos send the wrong message.