I’ve always been the same way: dreading each and every day, asking myself why I have to wake up and get on with the same routine while my depression and anxiety worsen. My mind is always on the brink of executing these daunting thoughts I’ve had for a while. I can’t help it, especially at night when I’m alone in my bedroom and the only company I have are these haunting notions and the clock is ticking like a time bomb. I’ve always been tired of everything.
Today is different, though, because there’s only one thing that’s motivating me and pushing me to carry on. My favorite band is in town. For the first time in ages, I’m actually looking forward to spending a night outside my dark and dangerous bedroom.
It’s not that often I get to see my favorite musicians perform live on stage, so I always take the opportunity to purchase tickets before they get sold out. Besides, I don’t have much of a social life outside my studies and familial obligations anyway, thus I never miss out on concerts.
So here I am, with a new and improved sense of isolation in a crowd of isolated people who probably feel the same way as me, rocking their all-black outfits with band shirts and ripped jeans and ready to sing their hearts out with this famous punk rock band we’ve been waiting to visit the country for a long time.
The strumming of the guitar and the banging of the drums give a sense of familiarity and nostalgia. I jump up and down with the rest of the mosh pit, screaming at the top of my lungs in sync with the music that never left me behind during my darkest moments. Throughout the night, my heart beats to the rhythm, my mind relates to the lyrics, and my soul gets filled with unfamiliar comfort and contentment.
This is a routine in itself: spending two hours in an arena completely isolating myself from the realities waiting outside. I am just a nobody in the crowd and it’s okay—far better than the confinement of my dark and dangerous bedroom.
After this, I go straight home, my mind fresh of the memories from those couple of hours. I go back and lie on my bed, for once, not wanting to stay asleep forever and not dreading to wake up again.