So Maybe I Am The Insecure Girlfriend

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Cody Black / Unsplash

There, I said it. It’s out in the universe, hanging in the space between my chair and the walls of my room.

I am insecure.

I’m waiting for the world to pronounce their judgment about me. About how this admission means I have no romantic future, how I am the cause of all my relationship issues and how doomed my love life is.

But I say it again, with unwavering conviction — I am insecure.

There’s no pride or shame, joy or sadness about it. It is a fact — and I’ll explain why it isn’t the end of the world.

I am insecure.

I will always “love more.” I will miss him more often than he will; I will make grander gestures, sooner than he will; I will call more often, cry more often, and get a little more jealous than my fair share; I will want to be a bigger part of his life; I will seek more validation that should be required.

He will always be a priority. Sometimes, at my expense.

I am insecure because I choose to share my life completely with no one, except for — the one. With friends, I am free, but the strong one. With family, I am safe, but always the ambitious achiever. There’s never been any other person, except for my partner, who I have chosen to reveal all my sides to.

Horrible day at work — only one person to call and vent.

A debilitating bout of flu — only one person who I can call to babysit me at my crankiest self

A catty remark about a co-worker — only one person to share it with, without being judged for it.

Crazy selfie with a face pack — only one person to send it to for sharing a silly laugh

Stupid meme with a really weird sense of humor — he’s the man to tag, because not only will he “get it,” he’ll really appreciate it!

Because I have chosen to keep my walls high, because the vulnerabilities and fears are hidden from most, because that one person gets the mighty responsibility of being my all; and most importantly — because I have knowingly chosen this life — I am okay, knowing that I have picked this much-judged path.

I will always “love more.”

He will always be a priority.

But I will do all of these, and still be worthy of love.

Because I am more than my insecurities.

I am fiercely loyal; I will stand by him whenever he needs it (and even when he says he doesn’t); I am his loudest cheerleader; I can be a warm and spindly hug at the end of an impossible day; I am empathetic and I understand what he won’t say out loud; for him, I will go farther than he would ever imagine.

So, yes — I am the Insecure Girlfriend.

But — That’s not all I am.

I am more than my insecurities.

I just hope that he can see it too… TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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