I’ve always loved you in ways that you never thought of, ways that even I was unaware of, for you opened a part of me I never knew existed.
I never knew that I could find my strength in somebody’s arms and let their words guide me to peace. I never knew that I could listen to somebody for hours and drunk dance on every word that left their mouth. I never knew I could fall in love with somebody’s sound of breath as they quietly shifted into their deep slumber, picturing them sleeping peacefully with every breath they took. I never knew I’d be comfortable with somebody touching the deepest parts of me, witnessing the mystical chaos I’m. I never knew the moments of silences and intimacy would soothe me like nothing else. I never knew I’d imagine myself growing and evolving with somebody, committing my whole to them. I never knew I could open my heart and allow myself to feel all of this.
I’m proud of myself, for it takes immense courage to surrender to love and let it consume every part of you.
But I think it’s about time I make peace with the fact that some people are your mirrors, they’re the ones who bring your awareness to your own self so that you can break the shackles off and be what you’ve never been. Sometimes the most beautiful relationships can be so honest and ruthless that it breaks you open, forcing yourself to rethink everything you knew about yourself.
I did lose you but I won. I’m finally cherishing my days of glory when I was madly in love, realizing that we may have loved each other the best but that’d be all that it was. I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that even if this weren’t a love that’d become a forever, it definitely was a love that changed me. For good.
I finally allow myself to open my heart once again, this time to life. I let life happen to me and I’m going to fall in love with every bit of it, just like I fell in love with your pieces. I will cherish the ebb and flow of life, it’s imperfect yet so beautiful, just as we were. I will love the ones who care for me wholly, not keeping myself back from giving my all because honestly, what’s the worst thing I could lose?
I finally allow myself to let go of you, frame your memories and let myself smile wide on them every time instead of weeping with a heavy heart.