Do you want to date a partner that sticks around, rubs his hands through your hair and loves you right because it makes him feel like a king?
I hope so. Do you want someone to hold you tight in his arms every single night just because he wants to? Can I get a hell yeah!?
If you want a man like this (yes, they do exist!), stop what you’re doing right now, and listen.
Stop dating and waiting around for unavailable men. That’s it.
After all, not all men are cheaters or purposely set on hurting you, so make sure the man you’re chasing is worth it and not one of these emotionally or physically unavailable guys.
First, don’t waste your time on PHYSICALLY unavailable men.
The physically unavailable man is, well … not in your vicinity or in your life, so there’s that. I’m not against long-distance relationships at all, but if the man you love lives in a different country (or even a different state) and you are living paycheck to paycheck, it can make seeing each other almost impossible.
This 3000-mile-away guy might be the man of your dreams … but in reality, he is only your fantasy.
If the two of you never plan date number two (or never even HAVE date number one), he is what I call, a “cyber soul mate” — so unless you want to spend the rest of your life cuddling with a body pillow and Skyping with the man of your dreams, you better keep on looking.
Then, know how to spot a man that is EMOTIONALLY unavailable.
“What do they look like,” you ask? They look like normal guys. They look like your neighbor. They could look like Burt Reynolds, your UPS guy, or the smoking hot dude from Tinder.
BUT, here are 10 surefire ways you CAN spot an emotionally unavailable man — so you can cut your losses early before you and your heart gets all wrapped up in his thrill seeking, heat seeking, um, body parts:
1. He stands you up.
This is one is easier to spot than an albino tiger in the wild, and I know it hurts. But be thankful that he did it on your first date and not when you’re waiting at the altar.
2. He is full of excuses.
“Oh sorry. I was really busy,” is his typical response to your text message three days later. Seriously? Just let him be.
3. He says, “I’m not looking for anything right now.”
When he talks, you need to listen — and don’t have a Hollywood script in your head that says, “Oh he’s going to want something serious he just doesn’t know me well enough yet. I just need to show him what he’s missing out on!” Don’t play these games with yourself. At least he’s being honest with you.
4. He doesn’t make plans to meet you.
Because he always has an excuse of being too busy with his daughter, is working too much, or that he had a stalker and is afraid to meet you. Either way, you want someone who takes time out of his day for you.
5. He is a master of seduction.
These men are hard to find, but when you find one, it is like your pants seem to fall off — like magic … maybe even a little too quickly for your normal comfort level. If you are worried about this happening with Mr. Smooth, follow these three steps:
DO NOT do ANY bikini maintenance.
DO NOT shave your legs.
DO wear your period underwear.
These methods are as good as wearing an uncomfortable, and very effective, chastity belt. If he sticks around without the sex, maybe he’s not so unavailable after all, right?
6. He has a bad temper.
He is rude to servers, talks bad about his ex and is bad mannered in your presence. If someone is like this from the get-go, run for your emotional life before he crushes your heart with his mean-spirited demeanor.
7. A man who is on his phone constantly on your date.
This is a huge indicator that his mind is somewhere else. Those Facebook status updates can wait, and he can wait for the next victim (not you).
8. He thinks only about his wants and needs, and not yours.
This is NO fun and you will end up being a doormat. Cut him loose while you still have your self-esteem intact.
9. They have had many short-term relationships in the recent past.
Sally, two weeks ago, Monica, last month … it’s a pattern that’s not likely to stop at you. Be careful with someone who is a serial dater.
10. You just KNOW it.
You have a funny feeling. Your belly feels weird. The hairs stand up on your arms. You feel a tingling in your left pinkie. Whatever it is … LISTEN to yourself. Most of the time you’re right.
When you are dating, keep you heart open and appreciate Mr. Unavailable, because he is doing you a favor to give you more experience. Leave yourself open to meet Mr. Emotionally and Physically Available, and you will thank yourself for seeing the signs of an emotionally unavailable man early on.
This post originally appeared at YourTango.