I know you toss and turn at night, whispering prayers in between heavy sighs, trying to get yourself to sleep. And when the morning light comes streaming in, you linger a little too long in bed scrolling through your Instagram feed, looking for a miraculous sign or just waiting for that looming ball of anxiety at the pit of your stomach to go away, so you can face another day.
You envy those who are chasing their dreams, and yet you try to convince yourself that what you have is enough and that you’re exactly where you need to be. The internet tells you to “trust the process”, but deep down you know that you’ve been standing still for a while.
You’ve pinned hundreds of motivational quotes on Pinterest, scribbled some on your notebooks and framed others to hang on your bedroom walls. You’ve watched too many inspirational videos to count. You’re motivationally saturated. You play them back motivational words, your lullabies, in your head. You could probably write one of them speeches yourself; encouraging others to pursue their dreams.
And yet, and yet… you won’t do it, you won’t take the leap.
You build up walls and cage yourself behind your fears.You say you’re becoming comfortable with uncertainty and yet you keep clinging to everything that is familiar. You hide behind your excuses; your mom, your family, your loved ones, your boss, your loan, your age, your religion …the timing of the universe.
You say you can’t leave the city that is dimming your lights because you don’t want to leave your loved ones behind, but the truth is you’re too afraid of starting over somewhere new. You say you won’t quit that job that is sucking your soul because it makes your dad proud, but you’re terrified of failing at the alternative. You say you don’t have the money to travel and explore, and yet you keep spending money on shit the internet tells you to buy.
You don’t want to disappoint them, but you really don’t want to disappoint yourself. You’re too afraid to admit that you’re terrible at navigating this thing called “adulthood”, whatever that may mean.
You had big dreams for yourself, remember?
You keep telling yourself that you’re one of them special ones; a caterpillar that will grow into a butterfly, an arrow that is only pulled back to be released.
But darling, you won’t get there by daydreaming, no matter how many articles you read on manifesting your desires into reality and other new age bullshit. You won’t get there by comparing your journey to others, nor by feeding your soul with envy and self-doubt.
You get there by courage, by biting that bullet, by making a move and taking that first step. You know that, don’tyou?
You claim that you don’t know what you want or where to start. But we all know that if you flip a coin, for that brief moment in the air, you’ll know which side you’ll want it to landon.
So pack that bag, make that call, send that message, sign that paper, have that talk. Or better yet, show up for your goddamn life, the way you know you should. It won’t be easy, that we know for sure.
But darling, otherwise you’ll never take the leap.