I used to look forward to the day when you will no longer be my first thought in the morning. All I ever wanted was to get through a single day without any regret, or without thinking… what if?
Today, I woke up in a cold, rainy morning – my favorite. I made coffee to match the weather and as I was browsing through my social media, I saw a picture of you. Right then, I’m sure, the day I’ve been waiting for has finally arrived.
There’s no denying that it was tough. The past months were not a walk in the park. It was a long battle. I kept asking myself if I made the right choice. There were days when I just sighed over saying goodbye. Had I tried harder, maybe we would’ve made it. Had I tried harder, I wouldn’t be alone. There were also days when I just push myself to put up with the decision I’ve already made. And best believe, those days brought me to today.
I remember how almost every single thing reminded me of you. I cannot go to any corner of this city that will remind me of how we used to be. I cannot bear the thought of you playing the songs we used to like to someone new. Just the mere sound of your common name that used to give me butterflies had turned to a feeling of bees stinging my heart.
It was lately that I found myself not avoiding any place anymore and I’ve never felt so free. I drove myself around the city with my playlist on shuffle, and when it played our song, I didn’t rush to press the “next” button. Before I knew it, the song was over. People mentioned your name and I’d just let it pass without saying anything. Not because there’s nothing good to say, or there’s nothing bad to say.
There’s just nothing left to say anymore.
You used to be the most important person in my life. I used to think that I will never forget the feeling of you kissing my forehead and holding me tight when I fall asleep at night, until I woke up in the morning.
I mistakenly thought you were the one.
Now, you’re just another man to me, to the world. Sure, it’s tragic how someone who used to be so important is now just a stranger whom I could barely notice in a sea of people. Yet, fate has been making it clear to me that I fell into the arms of a wrong man. I had to get out from the lock up of the wrong person. No more wasting time.
It was when I lost you that I found myself again. It’s like having a clear view right after the rain. I don’t regret being with you anymore. I no longer ask, “What if I stayed?” There are no more questions, thus, I no longer look for answers. When I woke up this morning and got through the day without feeling anything for you, I know I am finally over you.