It Seems Like The Universe Wants Me To Love You, But I Can’t

Sean Kobi Sandoval
Sean Kobi Sandoval

There are some things in this universe that just don’t seem right and don’t seem fair…

…like how it’s 2 A.M. and you’re drowning at the quietness of the world and you need someone to save you.

…like how it’s 2 A.M. and I resort to run into you just because I know you will be there, like always.

That’s what you have been. You are my constant in this world of inconsistencies. You are the love that has never failed. Of course, you are a man every girl prays for at night. Did I pray for someone like you too? Sure. But now that you’re here, my prayer is different. I pray that I get to force myself to love you. Because I really want to.

It’s been years that you have been patiently waiting for me to just jump with you. You have all the reason to go ahead and leave me there but you choose to stay. I would lie if I say it doesn’t keep me up at night and that I don’t feel guilty about it.

I remember when I had a very rough day at work. Upon knowing about it, you showed up immediately at my doorstep, coffee at hand, greeting me with your ever so warm smile. You grabbed my laptop from me, did all the work after whispering; “Just sleep. I got this.”

There was also a time when I was too senseless. I got into a whirlwind relationship with a man I barely know. I fell in love recklessly that I forgot about you. And when it ended, you were still the first person who came and rescued me. You listened for long hours but looked away each time I dropped a tear. You said you cannot bear the sight of it.

Now, after quite some time, after all the good things you’ve done for me, we’re still stuck. There has been you, there has been me, always an almost “us”. I swear with all of me, I’ve been wanting to love you since the very first day. There’s nothing I want more than to give you all that you deserve.

Just learn to love him little by little — easy for people to say. In this world where love is a language very well spoken, we always thought we already know everything. No. The world doesn’t know how it’s like to force yourself so hard to love someone back. The world doesn’t know that it hurts just as much when you hurt a person because you cannot reciprocate all the love they give, not even one bit.

You were always there, finding me and saving me. I say this too often and I will say it again: if this heart gets to choose, there’s no doubt it will choose you.

But this is what’s wrong with this universe: you meet someone who is willing to solve the complicated puzzle that you are, but you stand there – unwilling. You just stand there waiting for some uncertainty. You stand there with the realization that you cannot force your heart to love someone because sometimes, it is a resisting force on its own. TC mark

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