In a blink of an eye, or in our case, the closing of your door, everything can change.
Everything can change in one second. It takes a second to say, “I love you.” That’s it. Just one. I finally got rid of the lump in my throat and said it anyway. I never thought I could.
In a second, you were a stranger. You were someone I had never encountered in the last six years. Or, at least that’s how it felt in that moment. You were doing things I never thought you would do in this lifetime, things I believed you were never capable of doing.
It’s ironic. Now you’re a stranger that knows all my secrets. How my mind ticks and moves. How my eyes totally give me away. How I could never lie to you.
You know what I think of before I go to bed. You know what I fear the most, and what silences my demons when everything falls apart. You knew because it was you; I feared losing you. Yet, you were responsible for my composure.
You were my light at the end of a long tunnel. You stuck with me when I was losing myself. You held me together. You accepted my quirks and flaws and somehow found a way to appreciate them.
You saw my darkest, but you never wavered. Instead, you kept my secrets to yourself and never brought them up again. You knew every tiny detail of my being. Even if that was too much to remember, you never forgot everything I said to you.
You knew when I didn’t want to talk to anyone else and who I was comfortable sharing my stories with. You cared about me and warned me about people, vices, and anything that could bring me harm. I always listened to you.
You’re a stranger who is still my best friend. A stranger I couldn’t help but gush over to other people about. Pathetic, isn’t it?
You understood when I was babbling on about things you had no idea about. You listened to me when all I could talk about was what I liked and what I enjoyed. You were patient with me.
You were more excited for my dreams than I ever was, and you were certain that I would achieve everything I listed down in due time.
I saw a future with you, and a stranger I gave my whole heart to.
Now you know I’ll helplessly and hopelessly try to move on and let you go. That’s true love for you, right? You’ll know I’ll try to pretend to be fine when I see you but struggle to sleep in peace at night.
I now have to pretend that you weren’t a huge chunk of my life. I have to pretend like every little thing doesn’t remind me of you, that you were never my safe have, that your presence in my life didn’t save mine.
From your infatuation with rice meals topped with curry, to your love of the color purple, to the way you kept your hair split in the middle. To your affinity for wide-legged pants and earrings. To your innate love for Filipino movies and art. I now try to shove and force everything down the drain.
You came into my life as a stranger, like everyone does, and now you’re slowly becoming who you were again, even though you promised never to be. But you have made my life more beautiful and eventful from the day you entered.
All I can do is hope that I’ll see you again. Maybe when the time is right, I’ll once again open up my heart to you and you’ll reprise your role in my life.
But for now, I’ll see you when I close my eyes.
For now, I’ll settle for see you soon.
Catch your dreams.