Here is what they don’t tell you about sadness.
It’s not something that we can choose not to feel. If I could make it go away, trust me I would. I never wanted this.
It’s a cycle. A never ending circle.
It goes away for a little while only to knock you out again.
One minute I’m doing fine. The next I’m not.
It’s losing all hope. It’s the feeling of helplessness. It’s not knowing how to get up. It’s wanting to do something yet not being able to. It’s closing your eyes and the moment you open them again the world is black and white. The world is dull. The world is going to end at one point or another. We will all die. And this is a senseless cycle.
I just want to feel okay.
I get jealous of the way that some people could easily say “I’m happy.” and it makes me wonder how many of them actually mean it.
It’s hard to say those words. Especially hard when you know they’re not true.
Sleep is an escape. I’m only alive when I’m asleep because that is the only time I feel at peace.
How ironic is it that the only time I feel alive is when my eyes are closed and I’m temporarily dead to the world. Sleeping makes me feel like a part of another universe. A different universe where anything is possible. A universe where I could actually feel something.
Sometimes it’s about wanting to die but most of the time it’s not. It’s wanting to fill the void. It’s wanting to see how this all makes sense. It’s looking for a reason. It’s searching for a drive. It’s just wanting for the sadness to go away.
It’s a weird sensation of just aimlessly breathing.
It makes you question things. It makes you question everything.
If you’re feeling this, hold on. Let’s see how our story goes. Let’s see whether it’s true what they say–that this is all going to be okay.