What’s done is done. Unfortunately, you can’t jump into a time machine and make everything go away. The reality is here to stay and you might as well just embrace it.
You might call it a bad decision or the worst mistake ever. Bottom line, it was a choice two people made and now you have to deal with it in the best way possible.
1. You are NOT a slut
Please, don’t nail yourself to a cross. There will be plenty of people who will do that for you. Most likely, your BFFs who tell you “Oh, well you know, they weren’t getting along in the first place” but secretly judge you behind your back. Whatever the circumstances were, regardless if you were drunk or not, you made a decision. And that shouldn’t define you as a person. It simply defines a moment in your life.
2. Accept your decision
There will be a lot of guilt involved. You’ll go back and forth, thinking up dozen of scenarios on how you could have avoided this situation. And that is very much true. It’s all about choices. But don’t dwell on it. Think only about the facts and ask yourself “Would I do it again with someone else?” If your answer is no, then you’re starting to learn something. That you’re fully aware of your actions, of all the consequences that may occur or have already happened. And that next time you’ll know best. If your answer is yes, then maybe you have certain relationship issues. And that’s still not a bad thing. People get into fucked up relationships throughout the majority of their lives, just to find out what was missing in the first place.
3. It takes two to tango
You both willingly agreed to do this. That doesn’t make you or him less responsible. There might be a tendency to blame yourself for the entire situation, because men think with their penises and women are much more sensitive. Completely untrue. Don’t pass out judgments. Just as you had your reasons, so did he. You’re in this boat together and maybe it’s sailing to a shitstorm but at least you’re not alone.
4. Talk about it
It’s the urge that comes when dealing with guilt. Saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” and confessing to friends, in a dramatic attempt to get rid of that guilty feeling. Please remember that people have the remarkable capability of giving out the shittiest advice. When you hear five different opinions on this topic, you will start to feel your head getting dizzy and the guilt pressuring you even more. Pick one friend you really trust. Pop up a bottle of wine and pour your soul out. Cry if needed. Act like a drama queen. Just make sure you’re doing this in front of the right person.
5. Don’t try to patch things up between them
In the unfortunate scenario where everything blows out of proportions, take a step back. You don’t need to be involved in their drama. Yes, you might feel the need to explain yourself, tell her that it was just sex and it didn’t mean anything and as much as you think that will help, it won’t. When confronted, just admit the situation. Not only it will help you accept the reality of your actions, but it will make things less dramatic. From this moment on, it’s something between him and her. Most likely shit from the past will be brought up and that definitely doesn’t concern you.