Growing as a person in a toxic relationship is the hardest thing any person could go through, it was supposed to be the both of you growing and taking the long way to each other’s hearts but it happened the other way around so you were left there hanging. These are some of the lessons I’ve learned settling for less than what I deserve.
A normal person in love tends to sometimes forget that relationships are give and take. It’s just a pizza without any cheese on it your relationship taste ridiculous and nasty. Mutualism is the most important thing in the animal kingdom, but we’re not like animals at all, we have a ginormous brain and heart so this just separates us from them.
1. We accept the love we think we deserve… which is NOT right.
This quote has been all over the internet, which just makes us think its right. Never ever forget that we have free will and a choice to be happy. We have to remember that the rule in mutualism is very important as humans being on a relationship with someone. Knowing that you gave them all the love you have from your heart and soul and they can’t even appreciate how precious you are, and continuous to make you feel unimportant in their life. Well that’s a huge red flag over there honey, if a person really loves you he won’t let you feel that way. You deserve so much more than this.
2. You were made to be something great.
Remember as a child? Your parents told you to never stop dreaming, you may not know this but every parent knew you’ll be something big one day. You were made to shine at some time in the future. Don’t let the clouds cover and hide your brightness. Every person including you has a purpose in this world don’t let anyone remove that from you don’t let anyone or anything bring you down and tear you apart. If you’ve made mistakes it’s really important to learn from it. Don’t let that mistake degrade your worth. You are worth so much more than being treated badly.
3. Maturity will hit you so HARD.
Sometimes acceptance is the hardest thing anyone could process especially when you focus on the happiest moments you have with this person we can’t accept that the person you once knew change with a blink of an eye and accepting this requires lot of understanding and maturity. When the time comes and you get tired of fooling yourself to thinking this person will once realize that you’re worth more than how bad he/she treats you. Maturity would come crawling to your mind and hit you so hard that you’ll slowly realize this is going nowhere. And you’ll thank yourself for giving oneself another hope.
4. You’ll learn to appreciate the people who really care for you.
Remember those friends or person you neglect and unintentionally ignore during the days you were so immerse with your own situation. You’ll suddenly be aware on how much they care for you. Never ignore them because from time to time we tend to forget that the ones who really love us are here, right by our side and yet we choose to feel bad for ourselves for thinking irrational stuffs that we’re being unloved. Which is not true, you should feel the credit on taking off your blindfolds and embracing the love that was there all along.
5. You’ll soon realize that you’re being selfish.
Being so involve in the moment and being with a toxic person could be a draining experience for you. When you feel bad and droopy all the time you tend to let this out on ways you can and able so the tendency is you forget the proper care your body deserves. Don’t be selfish to your own body, it deserves to be taken care of and please, you need to eat don’t let this state of your relationship destroy the relationship you have with your body. You’ll soon realise that you deserve a proper care and a healthy body and mind. Being selfish in the means of unintentionally hurting someone may also cause them pain. Never let anger and hatred eats you up, always remember that we were made to have goodness in each and every one of us. Let that goodness in you control you.
6. You shouldn’t be scared to trust your gut feeling.
Our body has this amazing way on telling us that this is a bad idea. We had those times were we feel that cringing feeling at our gut that just warns us not to continue that certain awful situations or relationship. Those who have been on a toxic relationship would oftentimes neglect those red flags their noticing. But once you’re truly out, it’s a different story. You learn to listen to and trust the voice in your head a lot sooner.
7. You shouldn’t rely on a relationship to “complete” you.
We’ve done so many great things, had great times, created memories and most especially lived before we met this certain person. We sometimes forget what person we were before and how amazing we were back then. When you get to the point where you doubt your whole being, I sometimes don’t even recognize myself at the mirror staring right at me anymore. Always remember that you were once complete although he/she has taken a great part of your whole being and just ran off like a thief in the night, you’ll always be complete deep in your heart. It will soon restore the person you are in time with a much more stronger and indestructible new you. And this time everything will be much clearer to you. You’ll probably be a guru on guarding your heart the time you heal every bruise you had.
8. Relationships where past blame is used to justify present righteousness is unacceptably NOT right.
When someone you’re in a relationship with continues to blame you for your past mistakes, this is really damaging. If both people in the relationship do this to see who screwed up the most during the past years and makes you feel guilty while digging up the past problems this is clearly a lose-lose situation for the both of you. When you use someone else’s past wrongdoings in order to try and justify your own present righteousness, then this is going nowhere already. Not only are you digging up the past guilt and remorse of your partner but this is a very manipulative situation where the person brings up your wrongdoings to justify his authority to hurt you because of this then this huge red flag is very alarming. If this goes on long enough, they spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.
9. You’ll be the most adventurous person you always knew you were.
After restoring the bruised heart you had, you’ll experience the thirst of new adventures like travelling doing new things or rekindling past hobbies. Sometimes this draining experience could be something that’ll motivate you for the rest of your adventures with yourself. When the pain is all over the adrenaline of adventures just fascinates you, You’ll be more eager in discovering new places you’ll be obsessed with replacing the past with great beginnings and it’s a good thing, although from time to time you’ll remember that you were once hurt, This won’t stop you from doing the things that you like and would make you genuinely happy.
10. You’ll be more compassionate and slowly learn the essence of forgiveness.
I know forgiveness is such a hard word to give to someone who had hurt you, but trust me this is the only way you’ll be free from the devil inside who keeps on bringing up the pain and hatred and it just doesn’t do you any good. One day you’ll realise it just time to give up the hatred and clear up the anger and anxiety from your heart it’s time to let yourself be happy again. You’ll learn to care more about someone/something because of this experience. Life is about believing that things turn out okay even though things had been horribly wrong. Again, toxic relationships are unpleasant for everybody involved. But if you can find the small positive takeaways in the overall negative experience, you can walk away a better, smarter person.