What’s more painful? Knowing that you and your ideal someone are parallel to each other? Or having the possibility for the two of you to meet at one point, knowing full well that if you miss that moment, there might not ever be a chance to meet at that same point ever again?
Have you ever, in your entire life, created a list of characteristics that your future significant someone should exhibit? That they should be this tall, they should be this pretty or handsome, they should act a certain way, and say or not say certain things. They may be formulated based on a fictional character you’ve read in books or you’ve seen in movies. They may be someone who could fill up what you think was empty in your life, formulated to complete the shortcomings in your personality. They may be that faceless person you’ve seen in your dreams. I am not sure where you’ve based them, but I am sure they are perfect to you.
But along with your existing catalogue of standards for what you hope your soon-to-be lover should be, I know that you already acknowledge the existence of the sometimes-friendly-sometimes-monster thing called Reality which could offer you so much adventure, so much possibility and so much hurt. Sometimes, it will come as a harsh reality that all the things you’ve planted in your mind could not always be reaped with your desired fruition. So you start to hope less for that day that you can meet your ideal someone. You stop thinking that that someone perfect for you can still exist.
But what if they do?
As in, you wake up and that someone walks into you and greets you with a simple “hi”? And you begin to get to know them, and all the empty boxes of the characteristics you’ve chronicled way back when you doubted it would become real, are filled with checks now. Your heart pumps faster and it gets bigger but you feel elevated every time you meet their gaze. They were fuzzy there when they were written in your mind, but they are clearer now.
But as the time passes, their flaws become visible and you know you are supposed to get upset but you are so overwhelmed that you ignore their imperfection. They colored your once-gray life and you appreciate their presence. And that’s when you discovered that the person could still be beautiful, even if they are flawed. Now that you are flattered that you are parallel to him or her, you are slowly getting sure that the person right before your eyes is the one you want to end up with. The person who was just in your mind is the one you’re sure you’ll grow old with.
But.. what if they don’t?
What if one day, someone out there catches their eye? And what if, unfortunately, it’s not you? What if their own ideal someone is apparently not you? What if one day they leave and never come back? Because reality is justifying its monstrous side, right? Or maybe it was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a fleeting gift you only got to borrow rather than own? And naturally, you’ll feel doomed and so broken. You’ll wonder how could life be so cruel.
And people will tell you, everything happens for a reason — that there’s a reason why you can’t be with that person any longer. But sometimes, it’s more painful to know there’s a reason but it’s one that remains outside your gasp. Well, maybe that’s how life goes — sometimes, the biggest loss you’ll ever encounter is the one you’ve never actually had.