It has been a few months since we have seen each other, but only days since we have last spoken. I still think about you often; multiple times a day to be exact. I miss you immensely but I know this is for the best. It is painful right now because the wound on my heart is fresh, but with each passing day, I’m learning to live without you. I’m grateful for this, because loving someone you cannot be with is both agonizing and tiresome.
I have struggled over the past few weeks to express how I am feeling to you. Verbalizing my emotions is not possible because I am too distraught with heartache to communicate clearly. I decided a letter would be the best outlet for my thoughts. I find it easier to formulate my words onto a piece of paper than to express them from my lips.
We met when I was young and vulnerable. I was 24-years-old and recently wounded from a very devastating breakup. I was fragile and naïve, and I truly thought I found the love of my life in you.
You were everything I could’ve dreamed of; the exact kind of man I wanted in my life. You were a few years older than me, smart, handsome, caring and established in your career. Having never met a man like you, I was instantly smitten. It appeared those feelings were well received and reciprocated. Over the next year and a half, we grew closer and learned as much as we could about one another – our hopes, our dreams, our fears, and what we envisioned for the future. We even discussed getting married and having a family one day. You were the deepest and strongest love I have ever experienced.
You told me I was beautiful, wonderful, smart, and loved. You taught me to believe in who I am and you pushed me to be the best possible version of myself. I was always striving to make you proud. You instilled hope in me that this was going to last forever; that we were meant for each other in every way. Falling in love with you made my once-broken heart believe in true love and soulmates again.
I cannot possibly put into words how it feels to have you shatter those hopes and dreams and rip my heart into pieces. It is soul crushing and heart wrenching to know that our part in each other’s lives has come to an end. The hardest part is that I now have to envision a future with someone else. But please do not worry, for I will be fine. My vision for the future, along with my hopes and dreams, have not changed… The only modification is that you will no longer be a part of them. Although this is a crushing reality, it is one I will survive.
While I am hurt, I am not angry. I loved you, and I will never forget the memories we created and the lessons you have taught me. You have helped shape me into a better woman and for that, I am eternally grateful.
I wish you nothing but the absolute best and I hope that you are able to fall madly in love with someone one day, like I did with you. You are a special soul, and there is someone out there meant for you. Whoever she is, she will fill your heart with butterflies and shower you with kisses. She will carry you through the storms and she will be there to catch you when life knocks you down. I wish you would have given me the chance to be that person, but I understand that you are not ready for a relationship right now. Maybe one day we will run into each other when we are both in our home state and we could give it another shot. Maybe the timing will be on our side next time.
Until then, I’ll be seeing you.