5 Pet Peeves I Have Of People Judging My Long-Distance Relationship

By Devita Gunawan

Almost a decade ago was the first time I started dating. Right away, I was in a long distance relationship, and as many would have guessed and predicted, the relationship lasted only 8 months. Afterward, I was not brave enough to get into a committed relationship but did go through a few heartbreaks. It was not until three years ago when I finally decided to start dating again, this time with my best friend.

And guess what? It’s another long distance relationship. I know right, there must be something wrong about me. But hey, this one is going well and has taught me a lot of things. Some of these things include the major pet peeves I’ve developed as an LDR couple. Here are some of my pet peeves:

1. Hearing couples complain about being in a Long Distance Relationship.

OK so first of all people, I understand that length can be relative to some. But hearing how couples, which happen to live only an hour away (by car, not even airplanes), complain about not getting to see each other often enough really annoys me. My boyfriend and I live over 9000 miles away, and it requires almost 2 days of travel for us to get to each other’s place. So a one-hour drive is not that terrible… Maybe I should invent new terms like – short, medium, and long distance relationship?

2. Hearing other people doubt your significant other.

I am very much aware of how messed up people in my generation are. I used to have faith in humanity, but I’ve been proven wrong a few times already. So yes, I get it – even the nicest looking guys are jerks. That, however, does not mean that every guy living in this planet is a jerk.

Trust is crucial in any relationship, especially in long distance ones, and it really is the one thing that is holding my LDR together. It’s true that I cannot at all see what my SO does every day, let alone know that he’s faithful to me. But they say faith is believing, and I believe my SO. I get super irritated when people question me, “Are you sure he’s faithful to you? Are you sure he’s not lying to you?” Please people, yes I am sure. If I weren’t, then I wouldn’t still be in this relationship. Besides, if there is anyone who knows my SO most, it’s me.

3. Hearing other people doubt your relationship just because it’s an LDR.

You know what – being in a relationship is already hard enough. Please do not add your doubt problem in mine, which happens to be an LDR too. I know that the chance of finding one’s SO at a young age, sticking, and to get to actually marrying him/ her is slim, especially in this world today. Even couples who get to see each other every day and are so much involved in each other’s life can break up, so how about those in LDR right? That’s quite logical, but please know that in my case, my SO and I work really hard on our LDR. We are putting so much effort to make sure that distance is the last thing that can break our relationship. Also if there is anything we deserve to hear, it should be something along — “If they get to the stage where they tie the knot, they are going to be greatest and strongest couple I’ve ever met in life.”

4. People underestimating the difficulty of LDR.

There’s a saying, “From the outside looking in you can’t understand it, and from the inside looking out you can’t explain it.” This is true for LDR too. From the outside, people do not understanding what it feels like to be in a LDR. Some who don’t understand choose to not comment, but a few others end up underestimating it. Let me be honest, being physically apart is surprisingly not always the biggest problem; being in a different time zone is. I live in a time zone 14 hours ahead of my SO’s. With both of us working, the only time possible for us to communicate is before we sleep and after we wake up. When both of us are busy, we may only say good morning/ night to each other. Can you imagine how tough it is to stay interested in each other when the two of you do not even have time for each other?

So yea, some LDRs are tougher than others. While some are thousand miles away, some are only a few hundred miles away. Some couples get to see each other once a month, and some get to see each other only once a year. So please, do not simply draw a conclusion and underestimate the difficulty LDR couples have to go through.

5. People overestimating our pain and suffering.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are some people who are truly sorry for me. They think I must be in a great pain and suffering for being too far away from my SO. Well, as much as I love my SO, I am actually proud to say that I am so much attached yet detached from him.

I am attached in the way that I cannot live a day without talking to him. It’s simply because if anything happens, he’s the first person I want to talk to. Even when we are apart, we are emotionally attached to each other.

Yet I’m also detached from him as I pursue and live my life independently and as freely as possible. Unlike other couples that spend most of their days exclusively together, I get to spend mine with other people, who are important in my life as well. I’m detached in the way that I can enjoy my freedom away from my SO.

Having that said, I appreciate everyone’s concern. But I have to tell you, even though being in an LDR is hard, it’s a choice that I made a few years ago. I am not in any ways in pain or suffering because I knew exactly what I was getting myself into and whom I was going to fight for. I’ve known since then and until now that my SO is worth every sweat, tear, time, and everything else I have spent to make this LDR work.