When you’re brimming with energy and can’t wait to discuss your next minute plans with someone, it’s disappointing to see that someone with no hopes and dreams left at all. It’s disappointing to attract only vague responses to all your questions, it’s disappointing when the happiness and excitement is left to be one-sided.
When you’re a potential speaker and long, unbroken conversations are your favorite things ever, it’s heartbreaking to find yourself talking to your own self in spite of someone being there on the other end of the line. It’s heartbreaking to realize that someone is slowly running out of things to talk about, it’s heartbreaking to know that someone is out of responses for all your sensible questions and exclamations.
When all you’ve got is love to give out, it’s frustrating to just give and give and not receive any of it back. It’s frustrating to watch someone’s reciprocating capacity become almost nil.
It’s frustrating to care and not be cared for because they’re a little busy looking after themselves (since they need to) it’s frustrating to watch all your efforts go in vain.
When you’ consider yourself to be the sunshine in everyone’s life and your illusion of yourself as a happiness radiating creature has been validated a number of times, it’s unsatisfying to notice someone living in a constant state of despair and you being unable to pull them out. It’s unsatisfying to watch someone being gloomy for most part of the day, it’s unsatisfying to witness them become cold and bitter with every passing day.
When you’re really fond of colors and live your life in Technicolor,it’s exhausting to see someone not making any effort to come out of their monochromatic life. It’s exhausting to watch someone becoming more miserable with every day, it’s exhausting to see them give up on waiting and wanting things.
When you love adventures and hearing your heart beat at the fastest speed possible is something you’d do anything for, it’s tormenting to observe someone who doesn’t even feel their heart beating anymore, maybe because they don’t even want it to. It’s tormenting to witness all your “how are you‘s” displaying what tired looks like, it’s tormenting to look at someone who’s on the verge of self-destruction.
Loving someone with a mental disorder is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It’s the greatest investment of mental as well as physical effort you’ll ever require since it’ll be just a one-sided venture. It’s baffling and includes series of disappointing days.
It’s not the kind of love you see on movie screens, it’s not the kind of love including happy endings.
You think you’ll be rewarded, or your efforts will be acknowledged, but no. It’s not about you. It’s about seeing them be dead on the inside with excessive worry and nothing else; It’s about witnessing all their compulsive actions; it’s about witnessing those endless mental breakdowns; it’s about seeing them tackle all the panic attacks and see yourself stand in a corner helpless and vulnerable. Yet,you’ll stand there. You’ll watch all of it,maybe because you wouldn’t know what else to do other than that.
You’ll be continuously pushed away in spite of all your efforts to make things better. It’s a chain of heartbreaking and tormenting events you’ll go through, and yet, it’ll never be about you.
Loving someone with a Mental disorder is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. You’re too assailable to walk away and you’re too weak to help. You either don’t love them at all, and in case you do, you don’t give up, you’re not allowed to give up.