For you, there are days when you don’t want to get out of bed and avoid using the words “hangout” and “nightclubs” for you wish the silence surrounding you to perpetuate and seep into your bones until the clutter outside is put to rest.
For you this silence is nothing even close to a daily, basic requirement, rather you probably wouldn’t mind engaging in conversations about the weather when required; but for me, this quiet bubble surrounding me has always been a prerequisite demand and my failed attempts at initiating conversations about the weather will include subtle clearings of the throat and quite a lot of insertion of numbers in other routine conversations, placed inappropriately, placed in places where they normally do not belong.
To set the records straight, it’s nothing like I hate you or I don’t like talking to people, but I do get pretty tired of them sometimes because for me, the entire socializing process can be very well equated to this whole exercising process, with all my attempts to even jog a little going in vain.
But just because more often than not, I find all my sets of words being scattered somewhere in the back of my mind when it comes to you telling me what you did today or because I run out of appropriate responses when you tell me how you plan to spend the rest of it, doesn’t make me any less interested to know.
There will be times when you’ll find yourself uncomfortable in this silent bubble of mine, unsure about how I feel, unsure if there’s anything I’m left with, to say to you.
There will be times when you’ll doubt my intentions of keeping you, when you’ll be uncertain about making me meet your friends or family, but do not confuse this stillness of lips with the rhythm of apathy, do not confuse me with being arrogant because I lack the ability to come up with small talks.
Understand that just because I have found peace within myself doesn’t mean that I’ll end up desiring you any less, understand that just because words don’t easily come to me doesn’t mean I don’t have huge things to say to you, and just because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve like most people do, does not make my ability to love any less than you.
And in spite of all this, if I find you still sticking around for meals where words are too quiet to be heard, or still find you walking beside me on streets where the world is too noisy a place, who knows I might end up loving you more than cancelling Friday night plans or even more than I love my quiet trips to the library.
Being an introvert, I might be a little hard to be with and long, unending periods of silence will always be my prerequisite demand. But when I step out of this silent bubble of mine to tell you I love you more than my coffee and book collection, won’t you tell me you love me too?