I’m Not Afraid Of A Life Without You Anymore

Is it funny or sad the way that after someone breaks our hearts, we become a little bit more like them, more like the parts responsible for our cracks?

I won’t romanticize heartbreak because for me it felt a lot like death and I was forced to keep on living, to keep on going, to keep on moving.

There are days where I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt me. There has to be a way to care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.

I was more than just a rest stop or at least I thought I was but to you, I was temporary love that only accompanied your loneliness and you were kindly picking out my casket.

I was a cloud that no longer floated in the sky, a rose that was ready to die. I was the daughter of sweet, sweet love and you were the dark smoke that engulfed me.

I should have run when I had the chance but I was in complete solitude and no one could convince me that your entire being was no longer a poem the way that I thought it was.

You had become everything you said you would never be, you see what people don’t tell you about heartbreak is that sometimes it sticks with you and sometimes its something you aren’t able to just get over.

I owe my heart so many apologies for the heartbreak that I allowed it to endure. What a clever disguise it is to dress someone’s kryptonite up as all they’ve ever craved.

You hurt me because of demons from your past, you hurt me because you were afraid of love and all the beautiful things that I had and could offer you. You knew I wasn’t a heartbreaker and that I would never leave you lonely or yearning

Terror has an irresistible beauty, love can be selfish, love can be weak, love can be monstrous but it can also be a way of learning more. You clung to me hoping we would both drown but I survived the deep waters. You may have broken my heart but you lead me home and now I feel whole again. It was as if I woke up from a very deep slumber like sleeping beauty.

And now I know I’m no longer afraid of a life without you anymore.

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