Save The Next Girl Some Confusion (And Heartbreak)


I met you at the most hopeless of bars in Lincoln, Nebraska. People reading this are probably thinking that all things in Nebraska are hopeless, and maybe they’re right. I honestly don’t remember meeting you. I had one too many that night, but I remember all the things we did since that night. Every single moment. And next time you decide to do this to someone, here are some things you should really avoid to spare the next girl from feeling like this.

Don’t talk about her with your friends. And if you do talk about her, don’t use her name. Don’t put a name to the girl in your stories. Don’t tell your friends about her if you don’t have any intention of dating her. And if you do, make sure they know your intentions to keep their stories straight.

Don’t introduce her to all of your best friends. Booty calls should never meet your “best friends.” Don’t introduce her to your fraternity brothers. Don’t introduce her to crew from high school. If you want her to be your booty call and that’s it, just call her when you’re home and ready for bed. Don’t let your personal life and your “ready to go in your room” lives mix.

Don’t tell her you miss her when you’re not in town. Even if it’s true, save her the confusion. Don’t tell her you miss her. Don’t even contact her. If you’re out of town and don’t have any intention of physically seeing her tonight, just let her be with whatever she’s doing. Act like she’s not on your mind, and don’t drunk text or call her to let her know you’re thinking about her.

Don’t kiss her forehead. If you have no intention of dating her, or anyone, like you said to me, don’t kiss her forehead when you’re going to sleep. Falling asleep with her in your arms is already pushing it if you don’t want to send the wrong message. But don’t do this. Ever again. Because even if she doesn’t think that she wants a boyfriend, this will reel her in like a fish at the end of a line. It will ruin her.

Don’t call her by a pet name. Remind yourself that she’s not your girlfriend. You don’t want her to be your girlfriend, remember? So don’t call her by pet names. Call her by her name. Or nothing at all.

Don’t do nice things for her. If she’s mentioning that her phone is probably going to die, don’t offer her a phone charger. Don’t do anything nice for her that could be taken the wrong way. Act like you don’t hear her.

When we met, I was having fun with my friends. I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I wasn’t planning on ever seeing you again when I woke up the next morning. But you changed it all. Next time. Just don’t. Spare yourself and the next girl the confusion. You don’t know what you want, and that’s perfectly okay. Just don’t let the next girl fall for you like I did. TC mark


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