This Is What It’s Like To Love A Woman Who Knows Loss Too Well

Joshua Newton
Joshua Newton

The woman I love has had her previous partner taken away from her in a tragic accident.

I did not always know this, but I have always loved her, long before we met, long before I knew her name, long before I was even in the same state as her. This love is not what it seems on the surface.

From a distance I’m sure it looks like any ordinary relationship with its endless smiles and gazing mystically into each other’s eyes, but deeper, on another plane, this love is ancient. It is older than me, than her, than anyone I have ever known.

When at first I saw her in a dark, crowded bar, she was the brightest figure that had ever crossed my path. I had dreamt this before, I remember it vividly. In my dream there was a dark room, and suddenly a bright light came into frame and swept me away into some euphoric frenzy I would have otherwise stayed in, had I not woken up. This was that moment.

It wasn’t until nearly a year later that I’d have a conversation with her, even it was just three minutes of me nervously sputtering words out. This is when I learned about her partner and the tragedy that occurred. We connected rather quickly and hearing stories of all that was lost kept me up at night hoping that I could be someone for her to reach out to when she needed to. I hadn’t even considered the thought of a relationship, though it was something I wanted, right then wouldn’t have been the right time. Weeks went by and I couldn’t help but think, this feeling is brand new to me.

My mother and father always told me that I’d know I was in love when I cared about the well being of someone else more so than my own.
I’ve been in love before, or so I thought. Maybe it was love, maybe it was some sort of watered down version of what I thought love was. But this, this overwhelming feeling of wanting to give up my place here on earth just so she could have her partner back again, this was exactly what they were talking about. I have never been so completely floored, so enamoured with someone, in every ounce of their being, that it caused me to end my selfish tendencies.

I may not be able to ever give her the same level of happiness she once had but as time goes on, I know she loves me just as much as I love her.
When those words leave her lips they do so in such a powerful, endearing way that I have never bore witness to.

She is bright, she is a warrior, I know what has been taken away from her and I strive to give it back. She is everything I’ve ever dreamt of and everything I could ever hold in a breath and I will continue to love her until my last day. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog