I consider myself a man of great taste and especially when it comes to movies. Every year I make sure to see all the films and performances that are nominated for Oscars. With that being said I’m not ashamed to admit that Fast Five is one of my all-time favorite movies. I’ll go down defending that movie until the day that I die. I know the movie wasn’t some masterpiece, but I love it regardless. Everyone loves things that are bad and this is a safe place to admit those loves. Here are just some of the terrible things that we love despite their many flaws:
1. The Fast and Furious franchise
Why it’s the worst: Vin Diesel’s acting is baaaaaaad. His performance in the first was serviceable, but as the franchise got bigger he got worse. While he doesn’t exactly have a supporting cast of Oscar winners you know it’s gotten real bad when his performance has us considering The Rock for awards after watching him opposite Diesel.
Why you love it: The first few movies were enjoyable for more ironic reasons, but the last two are genuinely good movies. There is a lot to enjoy whether it’s the craziest chases and stunts ever done in movies, Tyrese trying to be this generation’s Chris Tucker, The Rock turning into the biggest badass alive and Vin Diesel constantly talking about family. After laughing, gasping and cheering during these movies now we’ll have to cry in the seventh installment as we say goodbye to Paul Walker.
2. Pizza from chains
Why it’s the worst: Pizza Hut, Dominos, Papa John’s. It’s all terrible when compared to real pizza joints. Walk around in New York City for ten minutes and you’ll find 20 places with better pizza.
Why you love it: It’s still frickin’ pizza and it’s convenient. Plus it could be worse, it could be Digiornos.
3. Dallas Cowboys
Why it’s the worst: Has such a mediocre team ever gotten so much attention. Congratulations on winning a few Super Bowls 20 years ago. That shouldn’t mean we’ve to constantly be forced to watch and hear about them as they go 8-8 year after year.
Why you love it: The only people that know drama better than TNT are the Cowboys. Whether it’s T.O. crying, Romo choking or everything Jerry Jones does it’s all gold.
Why it’s the worst: The people that say they love to exercise to are liars. Getting a good exercise every now and then feels good at first, but that’s a temporary feeling that quickly turns to exhaustion and death. Exercising is supposedly relaxing. You know what is relaxing? Actually relaxing.
Why you love it: Without it you’d look terrible, like John Goodman bad. Remember there isn’t room in the world for two successful John Goodmans.
5. George W. Bush
Why it’s the worst: Politics aside let’s be honest he wasn’t a great President. His intelligence had Fox wondering if they should start a new reality showed titled ‘Are You Smarter Than Our President’. They probably decided they couldn’t make it since they would lose so much money because of how many people would win.
Why you love it: Seems like a hell of a guy to hang out with. He is definitely in the top five of the Presidents you’d want to have a beer with. Too bad you’d first have to persuade him to hop off the wagon.
6. The beach
Why it’s the worst: Where to start? It could be having to walk around in hot sand. Or how about the freezing salt water full of rocks and other surprises for you to step on. It might also have to do with sun burn and skin cancer. There is a reason you barely ever saw the Jersey Shore cast at the beach despite it being in their backyard, look how good it worked out for them.
Why you love it: There is somebody for you matter what sex you’re into: girls in bikinis or guys with no shirts off and who knows maybe even in a speedo. If it weren’t for little kids being there beaches would definitely be the number one location for orgys.
Why it’s the worst: It’s a problem when your show is centered on a movie star and nobody buys that the actor could ever be a movie star. There is a reason he is doing a TV show and not off being a movie star. Then in the show the movies weren’t even believable. Vinnie Chase as Aquaman? They’d be better off making that movie starring Drama.
Why you love it: It’s celebrity porn for the normal folk. We get to see what life would be like if we were richer, more handsome and less talented. Also watching E get Sloan makes us all believe that anything is possible.
Why it’s the worst: It’s time for us to admit that beer doesn’t taste good. People who get home from work and drink a beer to relax are weirdos. If you want to relax have some cake or something, that will be relaxing and taste good.
Why you love it: Beer helps you get loose on a night out on a much slower pace than hard liquor and leaves with a much smaller headache. And while beer does taste disgusting it’s not likely to make you cringe as you drink it unlike the hard stuff.
9. Adam Sandler
Why it’s the worst: Jack and Jill. Blended. Just Go With It. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. Grown Ups. Grown Ups 2. We could keep going but that would just be too mean.
Why you love it: No matter how many gay and poop jokes his movies have, Sandler is always good for enough laughs that you’ll continue to see his movies. When you do see them though you’ll probably buy a ticket to the news Tyler Perry movie and sneak into the Sandler movie to avoid embarrassment.
Why it’s the worst: The state is full of people that are either crazy, dumb or old. When there are multiple Twitter accounts documenting the strange and crazy things your state’s residents do that’s not a positive.
Why you love it: There is so much to do in cities like Miami that they couldn’t care less if LeBron James is on their basketball team or not.
Why it’s the worst: Let’s be honest if turkey was so good we’d eat it more than just one day a year. We ignore it all year and then come Thanksgiving we eat it just because some English and Indian dudes did it hundreds of years ago. Too bad they hadn’t tried tacos yet.
Why you love it: Eating turkey itself has no reason to love it, but if you’re eating turkey then that means that you’ll also get to eat some actual great foods such as apple and pumpkin pie.
12. Attending sporting events
Why it’s the worst: On paper it sounds awesome to go to a live sporting event. That feeling ends the minute you get there. You start off by navigating traffic to find parking five miles away from the stadium that still costs you $40. Then once you walk that five miles you get to wait in crazy long lines to spend $20 on a small coke and hot dog. Then the icing on the cake is when you get to your seat and realize how crappy your seats are. You’re so far away that you find yourself watching the action on the big screen monitor. Then imagine going through all of this and paying what you did only for your team to lose. That’ll be a fun five mile walk and hour wait in the parking lot to get through traffic.
Why you love it: There is nothing like the atmosphere at a big sporting event. Also as bad as it is to walk out of an opponent’s stadium after your team loses, its nothing compared to the strut you have walking out of the stadium sporting your team’s jersey after a win. Also who knows maybe you’ll meet Rob Gronkowski and become friends. There is always a chance!
13. Taco Bell
Why it’s the worst: Taco Bell is the girl you meet at last call. You’ve got a few drinks in you and it seems like a good decision. It even tastes good, but fast forward a few hours and both suddenly come back to make you pay.
Why you love it: If you just live in the moment and don’t worry about the future, it’s heaven on Earth.
14. Crazy women
Why it’s the worst: No one wants to wake up to 45 delirious texts asking why you aren’t responding or looking outside and being 99% sure your girl just drove by to make sure you’re home. The really terrible part with crazy women is that those two things could be considered minor if she’s really CRAZY.
Why you love it: Fellas look in the mirror and try saying you wouldn’t hook up with Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes right now. You can’t say it and it’s okay.
15. Eating healthy
Why it’s the worst: As good as you feel when eating healthy food, there is no getting past the fact that virtually all of it tastes terrible. A salad is fine when it’s just the opening of a meal, but life is miserable when you start eating salad for a meal. Humans aren’t meant to eat like rabbits.
Why you love it: See looking like John Goodman.
Why it’s the worst: The best kind of music is the music where you can always understand what words are coming out of the artist mouth. That seems simple, but yet Lil’ Wayne doesn’t make that kind of music often. Between his slurred speech and “interesting” lyrics it does seem as if he takes sizzurp 24/7.
Why you love it: His songs are often catchy with the help of some great beats. It also is nice when you’re singing along to a song and you mumble because you don’t know that part and in doing that you sing it just the way Wayne did.
17. Going to bars and clubs
Why it’s the worst: Let me set the scene. You’re out at a bar trying to find a nice gentleman or gentlewoman. The obstacles against you include music so loud that conversation is not possible, one drink costs more than a trip to the movies, and a scary amount of competition that is full of so many people better looking than you that it’s just depressing. You’re probably funny or smarter than most of them, but the volume of the music makes sure you won’t get to display that. 98% of these trips will end up with you sitting at home solo eating Taco Bell.
Why you love it: It would be nice to meet someone at work or church, but for a lot of people this is the place you have to go to ensure you don’t end up starring in the sequel to 40-Year Old Virgin.
Why it’s the worst: Driving is about as boring as life gets. Cleaning your bathroom is more fun than driving. At least when cleaning your bathroom you can just stop and go the bathroom easily. Truck drivers honestly should be our heroes instead of actors and athletes. They do a job that literally no one else would want.
Why you love it: Try living anywhere besides New York City and not having the ability to drive. The only thing more miserable than not being able to drive wherever you need to go whenever you need to is actually driving.
Why it’s the worst: The rest of the world must’ve never seen LeBron James dunk a basketball or Tom Brady throw a touchdown because for some reason their idea of a great sport is a bunch of guys jogging around a field for 90 minutes with the hope of scoring once.
Why you love it: Nothing brings out national pride like soccer. America virtually owns sports such as basketball and football, but yet none of that compares to the chance of beating the world at it’s own game.
20. The Room
Why it’s the worst: Combine every movie that Adam Sandler, Nicolas Cage and Keanu Reeves have made over the last 10 years and that movie would look like The Godfather when compared to The Room. The acting, writing, directing, set design and most likely even the on-set catering are abysmal.
Why you love it: Every reason that makes this movie the worst is what makes it a classic. A drinking game consisting of drinking every time something terrible or ridiculous happens would be the number one party game if only it didn’t kill you.