I have a confession. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’m an addict. I’m addicted to terrible music. We all want to think we are music snobs who only listen to great music. We were into Childish Gambino before it was cool. We think Lil’ Wayne is the worst person in the world. What happens though when you start to suspect that you might not be the music connoisseur that you thought. Look for these warning signs:
1. Purchased every one of Lil’ Bow Wow’s CDs.
2. The most played song in your iTunes library is Tie Me Down by New Boyz and Ray J.
3. You believe that Pretty Ricky is your generation’s Beatles.
4. You have never heard a Beatles song.
5. JaRule’s comeback is something that you google at least once a month.
6. You find any of Soulja Boy songs enjoyable in any context even a sarcastic one.
7. You own Shaquille O’Neal’s greatest hits.
8. You think that Shaq had any hits.
9. Shaq isn’t the only former LA Laker in your iTunes.
10. At parties or social gatherings you put your iPod on shuffle and you’re in constant fear of what song could come on next.
11. Enjoy the lyrical stylings of Diddy.
12. You downloaded multiple songs from Infant Sorrow, Russell Brand’s fake band from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
13. The soundtracks from Glee have a major presence on your iPod.
14. You know that Brooke Hogan made music. And you kind of liked it. And you know who Brooke Hogan is.
15. Your favorite song is in all Spanish and you don’t speak or understand Spanish.
16. You haven’t heard it in years but you could perfectly recite Gigolo by the great Nick Cannon.
17. The rivalry between Fat Joe and 50 Cent is much more interesting to you than that Tupac and Biggie beef.
18. You’re convinced that JC Chasez was the most talented member of NSYNC.
19. As much as you try you just don’t get the hype about Kendrick Lamar or Kid Cudi.
20. You miss Loon. And Murphy Lee. And Chingy. And Mike Jones. And Juvenile.
21. When you need to get pumped up all you have to do is throw on some 2 Chainz.
22. Spent more than 5 minutes of your life listening to Pitbull.
23. At one point in your life your favorite musicians have been the Dixie Chicks, Backstreet Boys and Limp Bizkit.