“When I think about the future I still see you! I want to be with you, I just can’t right now. I can’t deal with everything.” Those were some of the last words you said to me, you, the love of my life.
I’ll admit I did carry a significant amount of baggage, but it was all superficial. I wasn’t emotionally disturbed or depressed, I just carried unhappiness about the general state of my life outside of you. I was stressed at work, my relationship with my father had reached its near breaking point and my roommate was starting to annoy me with everything he did. You couldn’t handle hearing about my trivial issues while also balancing your life.
Anytime you stressed about school, I encouraged you and told you that this hard work would pay off, and it always did! Whenever your mother was giving you a hard time about what you were eating or that you weren’t exercising enough, I told you that you were beautiful just the way you were. All the times that your “friends” went out and did fun things without inviting you, and you’d complain to me about feeling left out, I told you that I’d always do fun things with you and that one day you’ll discover friends who really matter.
All of this, and it didn’t faze me in the slightest because I loved you and I wanted you to succeed no matter what I had to do to ensure that you did. We were at different points in our lives but I was okay with that. I would work and save money for the future while you completed your schooling, and in a few years we would buy a house together and have our happily ever after. And now that’s all gone, because you have up on me.
I’m a whirlwind of emotions on a daily basis, from happy to sad to angry to just plain frustrated. I find myself happy because I think to the future and I know that I will be okay after this period of grieving over losing the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Then, I get sad when I start to consider other people as potential mates and compare them to you and think of how perfectly you fit into my life and in all honesty how perfect you were in general. The anger begins to set in when I think about how you just gave up on me, on us, over nothing. Over the things that a loving girlfriend is supposed to do, be supportive. And finally, I get frustrated when I begin to wonder if maybe it’s just me, and I shouldn’t have had those problems in my life or I should’ve fixed them myself somehow, or just anything I could’ve done to keep you.
I know you won’t admit it, but you gave up on me.