Why a Breakup Is The Most Honest Thing About A Relationship

All’s fair in love and war, but a break up tells the truth like no one else. 

I’m not going to try to pretend that break ups are good for you. I’m not going to say that they open doors to new opportunities, or new life styles. That’s been done a million times and then some. I’m also not here to tell you that break ups are the end of the world because even though they may seem so, they can and will be moved on from.

Sometimes, you and your SO may draw the relationship out, long after it’s reached its expiration date. It’s soiled, and when you finally chuck it out, both of you feel better.

But in other times, break ups will be quick and sharp and fatal. There will be no pain, at first, because of the shock. But like any other completely fatal injury, there’s always a 100% mortality rate. No chance of resuscitation or revival.

For anyone who’s been in a relationship of the latter, who either genuinely had it sprung on them who were not the least bit prepared or who was just delusional enough to not see it, I’m here to tell you that this is proof of something greater. This is proof that, on some level, you gave your heart out to someone, entirely and fully. They may even have had your best intentions in mind, but for some reason or other could not bring themselves to reciprocate.

The pain is real, but what the lesson you learn from these kinds of break ups are much more subtle. They don’t teach you how to live differently – it was out of your control. They don’t teach you what to look out for or avoid in the future – you or they didn’t do anything wrong. Worst of all, there’s no one to blame – both of you had the best intentions in mind.

Don’t fret, though. These kinds of break ups, as uncommon as they may be, provide something that you can’t get anywhere else and that’s proof: proof of life, proof of love, and proof of your worth. You gave this person, this lucky other person, your life (or at least some of it.) Maybe they understand that, maybe they don’t, but you threw caution to the wind and cast your fears to the ocean and sailed into the great unknown with nothing but your heart on your sleeve and a smile on your face. Most of all, this is proof that you did nothing wrong and that sometimes, shitty things happen to good couples.

You know what sets apart humans from animals? I mean, I would say feelings, but no, animals have feelings too. Is it love? No, animals have that as well. It’s definitely not sex because, well, yeah. What sets animals and humans apart is our relationships, specifically the depth and the gravity of a human relationship. You get what you put into a one, although it may not seem like it. Maybe your SO doesn’t love you the way you do, or give you the things that you give them, but at the end of the day, what you get is self-confirmation. You wanted to be someone for them and you were, and you were willing to prove it. Nobody wants to be alone, but sometimes being alone and sure of yourself is better than being with someone and not knowing who or what you are.

So no, this isn’t a piece about break ups being bad or break ups being good. This is a piece about break ups being honest, the surest indicator that you were all that you could be. There’s no profound way to end a piece like this that’ll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside because there’s nothing warm or fuzzy about a break up. What I can leave you with is this: embrace reality and make it your own. Bandage your wounds with whatever you have on you in order to keep moving forward. Love will come again, and you can rest assured that when it happens you’ll be there to meet it, whether you trust yourself or not. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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